Look for it-Chanukah and Vayeshev

The phone rang and I picked it up. It was a client from a few years ago. I remembered her and her birth. She started to tell me her story. Ten weeks pregnant, an ultrasound, no heartbeat, this was yesterday. Now today, she wanted me to guide her, today what should she do? Hashem, the phone calls that you send me! If you sent me this person to call me, then Hashem, please put the right things in my mouth and let me know when to keep it shut! Such pain I hear. I tell her to allow the emotions to come. To give herself the space and permission to feel them so she can heal. In the midst of it all she tells me, “It makes me appreciate the children that I have more. Each one is such a blessing.” Now this was the second woman this week to tell me a painful story. The first was not about a miscarriage but about a very traumatic birth. And it was so interesting because this one too, in the midst of tears, mentioned an act of kindness and seeing good. The neighbors and friends who made her family meals and took care of her other children while she and her husband were in the hospital. I think to myself. Wow Hashem, You are always there! You see because a person could be going through a painful experience and feel like they are going from one dark moment to another and not see any good in sight or in the midst of it all they can search and find and see that there is always something, something to hold onto that yes, Hashem is there and thus there is good. And because these women have this, I know that they will be ale to grow, integrate this experience into their life story and go on. I know that the light will expel the darkness and that they will be alright. Yosef, in this week’s parsha, was thrown into a pit by his brothers. Pain, trauma, fear. It wasn’t just a pit; the Sages say that scorpions and snakes were there. They took him out and sold him into slavery. It was one thing after another. But guess what when his brothers sold him, they sold him to a caravan of Ishmael travelers who were carrying spices on their camels. Spices? These merchants traded in oil, what were they doing with sweet smelling spices instead of foul-smelling petroleum? Because even (as Rashi explains) in those dark moments one must have something to hang onto and know that Hashem is there; He’s here. We hear throughout the parsha how Yosef, in Egypt, succeeded in all that he did. Hashem was with him and he was with Hashem. We read about this time in our history when Yosef went down into darkness, loneliness and fear and it coincides (but it is not a coincidence!) with the holiday of Hanukkah. What is the mitzvah of Chanukah? To light oil/candle at night. Why? To commemorate, to celebrate the miracle of finding one small pure, bottle of olive oil. This bottle was the most minimum amount of oil needed to light. And this little bottle said to the Hashmonaim, “You are not alone, I am here.” The question was, what would they do with the oil? They used it to relight the menorah. They used it to say, “Hashem You are here and we see You. You are here and so are we.” The oil lasted and lasted eight days until they were able to make more to keep the menorah’s light aflame. I go back to these two women from my week and I learn from them an important lesson. Which is that no matter what dark situation I might find myself; I have to look for kindness, for good. I have to seek and search for what is working; what is going right; what is a blessing and I need to hold onto that and not let it go. Use it to remind myself that Hashem is saying, “I’m here.” because this is what will get me through hard times. When we light the menorah we illuminate the reality that is there. A dark room with many things that we can’t see until there is light. Hashem is always in that space that is dark and cloudy, when there is pain and ridden with fear. Yes He’s there. So this Chanukah, focus on finding the light, those small things of goodness, kindness, what is going right in your life. And hold onto it. Tell Hashem, You are here and so am I. Shabbat Shalom, Chanukah Sameach! Many blessings, Elana