Inner Connections: Parshat Ki Tavo

I think that I am supposed to be doing one thing and Hashem tells me, "No, dear, you are doing something else."

A woman calls me that she's on bed rest. She thought that she's supposed to be going to work, going to the supermarket, taking care of a million other things that she thinks with all sincerity is her avodah (work; way to serve Hashem).

She complains, "But how can I not do...?"

I remind her that it's Hashem who gave her the situation that she is in. Hashem is the one who put that neshama (soul) inside of her and the one who made her condition that warrants lying down at home. "This is your avodah," I inform her.

I sigh because I so too often have a hard time getting it.

Getting what? What it is that I'm actually supposed to be doing and then of course accepting it.

Yes, the test is not always doing, but sometimes the test is not doing. It's not doing what you thought in the way you thought would be the best thing to do.

It's being flexible and knowing that life is a journey and on that journey there are many paths and many roads. Hashem puts me here and He puts me there and that is where right now I need to be.

And we moan and we groan and we say, "It's not fair! I need this or I want this and only with this, or in this way can a person connect or grow!"

But Hashem tells us otherwise. He tells us, "No!"

How do I know? Reality of what there is not what we want there to be. Reality of this is what I have now, in this moment, so this is what Hashem wants me to have right now and if I don't have it, He has decided that for now it's not good for me to have it or to do it.

Women argue with me..."How could it be that Hashem doesn't want me to be married? Have kids? Have money to give? Have this thing that I think that I need, that surely I need."

I answer, "How can it be? I don't know because I can't hear Hashem's side of the story! My vision is so small and narrow and I can only see what I can see. But if you have it, He wants you to have it and if you don't, He doesn't. At least not for now and tomorrow is a new day and can be a new reality.

With that simplicity I maintain my faith, my connection, my sanity. I tell myself, "Elana, let go and just let Hashem be the one to take you where you need to go. Let Him be the One to lead."

And so we see in this week's parsha that Hashem is waiting and wanting to bestow upon us blessings and more blessings, but He does ask of us a few things. He asks us to "walk in His ways (Devarim 28:9)."

What does it mean to "walk in His ways"?

Maybe I'm wrong but I think it not only means to emulate Him (Rambam), but to go [with love and acceptance] with the situation, the reality that He gives me.

I sigh because I know that it's not easy. It's a lot of work, but that's why we are here. Isn't it?

Shabbat Shalom, Ketiva v'Chatima Tova,

Many blessings,

Elana