Inner Connections Burst-ELUL

Thursday I had one of those moments. Well, it was a moment that lasted a morning, a morning that turned into a day and a day that went into the evening.

Night time came and I was grateful that I could go to sleep and call it a day.

I tossed and turned until at last I fell asleep.

I realized Friday morning that I was at the end of my rope.

I went for my run and thought to myself:

"I wish that I knew how to take care of myself as well as I take care of everyone else."

I think that if I did...

I would be nicer.

I would talk quieter.

I would have more patience.

I wouldn't get irritated over things that would ordinarily make me laugh.

I wouldn't take things personally.

I would realize that most things are stages or phases that simply pass with time.

Yes, I said this while running at five o'clock in the morning. Not to just go through the motions, but to really think about what I am doing and why. What is it that I am allowing to control my emotions, my life? And why?

I ran and I realized that I don't want to live a life of excuses. "I'm tired. I'm drained. If only this...would be different in my life."

I need to stay focused on the why because if not, I'll drown in the things that I can't control which is every single outside factor of my life.

The month of Elul starts this Wed. night, the last month of the year, the month of techuva and working on ourselves. As part of working on myself I realize that I have to take care of myself. Yes, how can I do one and not the other? How can I be better and do better if I don't feel better about myself and how can I feel better about myself if I don't take care of myself?

אלול) אני לדודי ולדודי לי)

I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me.

How can I nurture my beloved if I don't know how to nurture me?

That's right I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me. It's a balance of giving and receiving. A balance that keeps us healthy-mentally, physically, spiritually and strong.