Inner Connections Bursts: Parshat Va'etchannan & Tisha B'Av
I listen as this woman tells me her sorrows.
She just had a miscarriage to a fetus that was IVF. Can you imagine the roller-coaster of emotions? The ups and the downs?
Another woman tells me that her fertility treatment was canceled because her eggs were too poor quality.
I hear one who, because of traveling restrictions doesn’t know if she’ll make it to her brother’s wedding.
I listen to a young mother who just found out that she is sick, very sick.
There is one who tells me that she was laid off from work and another who can’t go to work because all her children are in quarantine.
There are many sorrows that are kept quiet. Sorrows too much to share. Sorrows that feel small, but they are nonetheless very real and very there.
As beautiful life is and it is, there is not a person alive without some sort of sorrows.
Tisha b’Av comes and we don’t say the morning blessing of “Who has provided me with my every need.” It is explained that this is so because on this day we are not allowed to wear (leather) shoes. But maybe there is another reason why. Every other day (except for Yom Kippur) we do say that Hashem provides us for our every need. Really, we are supposed to live our lives being happy with what we have, accepting what is given to us, looking to see the positive.
But not on Tisha b’Av. No, on this day we are not supposed to settle for being comfortable. We are not supposed to just “get over it” and “move on.”
On Tisha b’Av we are supposed to sit and think about what we don’t have, what we have lost. On Tisha b’Av we are supposed to feel longing, a lack, notice that something is missing and something is gone. We are living in a world that lacks clarity and that is disconnected from our Source and that is the saddest tragedy of all. On Tisha b’Av we are supposed to sit with this pain and feel it and then what?
That’s the question.
What are we supposed to do with it?
We read in this week’s parsha, Va’etchannan, Shema, Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God; the Lord is one. Followed by, “And you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your means (Devarim 6:4-5).”
and with all your means: Heb. וּבְכָל-מְאֹדֶךָ, with all your possessions. There are people whose possessions are more precious to them than their own bodies. Therefore, it says, “and with all your means.” (Sifrei) Another explanation of וּבְכָל-מְאֹדֶךָ is: You shall love God with whatever measure (מִדָּה) He metes out to you, whether it be the measure of good or the measure of retribution. Thus also did David say: “I will lift up the cup of salvations [and I will call upon the name of the Lord]” (Ps. 116:12-13); “I found trouble and grief [and I called out in the name of the Lord]” (Ps. 116:3-4).
Yes, what are we supposed to do with all this sorrow?
Are we supposed to ignore it?
Rav Shimshon Pincus z’l says, no. That would be asking something superhuman and angles we are not. We are supposed to feel and cry and mourn. We can feel sadness and loss. There is certainly a time and place for every emotion. But once again, what do we do with it?
The answer is in the Shema. We use it. We use it to serve Hashem. We use it to grow. We grab our book of Psalms (Tehillim) to elevate the pain instead of reaching for a substance to numb it. We use it to propel us forward in doing acts of kindness and to reach out.
On this Tisha b’Av FEEL your pain and your sorrow. Sit with it. Be uncomfortable. Recognize it and know that Hashem loves us more than we could ever understand or love ourselves.
And then when the day is over one must get up and channel all those thoughts, those feelings, those challenging and painful moments into something constructive and go on.
B'sorot tovot,
Elana
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