Inner Connections Shelach
Do you know those children, those ones with the BIG personalities or the BIG…dramas? The child that is just BIG in all senses of the word. Big tantrums, big escalations, big demonstrations of emotions. There is constant action, constant challenge with this child. There are a lot of emotions around this child. This child is just a handful, big.
BIG
Do you have a child like that?
Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe not a child, but someone in your life or maybe it’s you! Maybe it’s a certain emotion or force that you have, a certain struggle that you face. It’s big. You tell yourself, …is going to break me! I just can’t!”
I interrupt my writing to answer the phone.
A woman expecting. Her pregnancies are so hard. She’s in so much pain. She tells me that can’t do this. I’m not talking about what yes to do or not to do in the future, I’m talking about right now. I look at where she’s at. It’s so difficult.
It’s so hard, but she is doing it. I remind her of this. She really is doing it. I take her to a place in her mind where her soul talks heart to heart with her body. She must find compassion for the body that works 24 hours a day taking care of another soul. It hurts, she feels sick, she can’t move, she feels helpless. Compassion for that holy body dedicated to holy work. And then I told her to tell her body, “You can do it!” I tell her to focus on the blessing that is inside.
She herself tells me, “I look at the sweet children that I have and I know it’s worth it.”
Yes, it’s both difficult and heavy and it’s a blessing and priceless.
She hangs up and I pray that while I cannot right now make her physically more comfortable or take away the body’s pain, I have at least lightened some of the load.
I return back to myself and my thoughts about that handful, that child.
Instead of “this will break me” I tell myself, “this will make me. There is blessing here.”
Twelve spies were sent to survey the land of Eretz Yisrael.
They came to the Valley of Eshkol and they cut a branch with a cluster of grapes. They carried it on a pole between two [people] and [they also took] some pomegranates and figs.
Can you imagine such big grapes that more than one person had to carry them?
We are talking about some really big fruit. It’s a big weight. One that the spies felt was a heavy burden.
But can we take a step back and look at this for a moment from a different perspective? Can you imagine those big, luscious juicy grapes? Can you imagine how much wine could come forth from them? Can you imagine if the whole time they were carrying them they were able to say, “Wow! These grapes can feed so many people. Imagine the juice and how much wine we can make from them!”
Imagine if they had said, “These are too heavy to carry alone, but we have resources, we’re together. They are a blessing from Hashem and we can do it.”
It would have been a totally different ending to the story.
Now I ask myself and I ask you. Can you change the ending to your story? That very child who you feel will break you, couldn’t s/he be the one who makes you into the greatest, most wonderful compassionate person that you can become?
You are in whatever you are in. Anyways, you are carrying it. So how can you make you make this easier? How can you lighten the load?
Can you find someone to share the weight? Can you seek tools and resources? Can you talk to yourself in a way that builds up those emotional and mental muscles?
That struggle or challenge in your life, it feels so heavy and it’s true. It is. But please also see the other side. This is coming directly from Hashem and I am telling you, even if you can’t see it now, there’s tremendous blessing there. Keep talking to yourself and asking Hashem to send you the right people and the right resources.
Focus on the fact that this could be the source of your biggest blessing.
Shabbat Shalom!
With blessings,
Elana