Let There Just Be GOOD-A Covid 19 birth story.

Usually when I go to the hospital as a doula on a birth I take a whole bag with me. I have oils for massage and essential oils used in aromatherapy. I take a rebozo and other tricks of the trade. Not to mention a snack, some food, a prayer book, psalms. I never know how long I will be gone for, nor when I will return home. There is always an aspect of birth that is called, “unknown”. Actually, the only thing that I know is that I don’t know. I have learned over the years to embrace this and just go with it. Birth is so humbling, so awesome, so difficult and so beautiful.

Now we are in a time of a pandemic. Which means that when my phone rings I don’t grab my birth bag. I actually don’t grab anything except for my ID, gloves, a mask, a few little bottles of essential oils. In a certain way now more than ever do I feel the unknow and am humbled by uncertainty.

On Thursday when my phone rang, I knew it was too early to go to the hospital, but I went anyways. My client was alone. Emotionally, physically I knew that she needed me. These are not normal circumstances. Her husband was home with her four children who are under the age of seven. Her mother and mother in-law in different countries. There are no babysitters right now, no friends or neighbors or even family members that a person can call right now and say, “Hi, can you do me a favor….come over….?”

So I went without really practically anything and yes, it was probably way too early to go, but there I was, in the hospital for hours and hours and hours giving her what I could, which was me, my heart. It was all that I could do and all that I could give and honestly, I know that it was enough.

In those hours I understood something.

The Egypts saw the Hand of G-d, we saw the Hand of G-d with 10 plagues and the splitting of the sea. There was no doubt. Hashem is the King, He reins the world. Hashem was the King, Hashem will always be the King. He’s in control. We see this more now than ever, no?

Originally we called the virus “Corona” which means crown.

In one moment Hashem turned our world upside down.

We all see it and we all know it.

Now what?

Now we are in the days of the omer. From Pesach until Shavuot the goal- self-work, self-improvement. One day at a time. Each day leads to the next and each day counts.

Last week in parsha Kedoshim we learned the famous teaching of, “You shall love your fellow as yourself. (Vayikra 19:18).” Which Rabbi Akiva taught as being a great principle of the Torah. This week in parshat Emor the Torah tells us, “You shall count for yourselves from the morrow of the rest day, from the day you bring the omer as a wave offering, seven weeks; they shall be complete. You shall count until the day after the seventh week, [namely,] the fiftieth day, [on which] you shall bring a new meal offering to the L‑rd. (ibid 23:15-16).”

We know that during those first 32 days from Pesach to Shavuot 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died in a terrible plague. It is bought down that these students died because they failed to show respect one to the other. It’s a bit strange, no? These were brilliant, holy students of the famous Rabbi Akiva. They knew teachings and that he lived by this principle. I am sure that they showed respect. They stood up for each other and spoke politely. There is no doubt. But something was missing and because they were on such a high level they were held according to high standards.

Now, smack in the middle of this time the virus is no longer referred to as Corona, crown. We passed that test. We are humbled. We know we don’t know anything. Now what? Now it’s Covid-19. Covid, in Hebrew, kavod, honor, respect.

Now it’s a matter of showing honor and respect. But how? By standing up and taking turns? By calling a person in a formal matter? I’m not sure. I think there is something missing. Something fundamental. It’s genuine respect. Respect from the heart.

The gematria, numerical value of kavod is 32. The gematria of lev, heart is 32.

What can we do now during these days when we count the omer, when we count the days leading up to mattan Torah? And how exactly should we make each day count?

Look deep. It’s in these words. Count for yourself. It’s inside of you, don’t just count. Look deep into your heart and find, feel the respect. Make what you do count. How? By giving your heart. By feeling in your heart. By showing respect and feeling respect from heart.

By loving yourself and your fellow. By showing respect to yourself and your fellow. By just giving you to make a better you because that is ultimately what Hashem wants from us, what anyone wants from us. The heart.

Thirty two days of heart until we get to Lag B’Omer and then we have seventeen days left until we receive the Torah. Seventeen is the gematria for “tov” -good.

Please G-d let only good be ahead. Let me know that when I go on a birth and all I can take with me is me - that it’s all that I need.

Shavua tov,

Elana