Are we Listening?

May these words be words of healing. A refuah shleima for all the cholei of am Yisrael.

So here we are in the midst of a world crisis, a pandemic and we start this week a new Sefer, Vayikra. Vayikra starts off by Hashem, “Calling” to Moshe, his beloved servant. How did G-d call Moshe? The Sages teach-affectionately ( [קְרִיאָה-calling] is an expression of affection-Rashi) and in a loud, thunderous voice, but one that only he, Moshe could hear (Rashi; Sifra).

How can there be something so loud that only one individual can hear? Well, isn’t part of being able to hear wanting to hear and being open to it?

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Tell me if you can relate- There are times when I look my children directly in the eyes. I talk to them and I know that they hear my voice, but they’re not listening to me. They’re not paying attention. It could be that other things distract them and I guess what I have to say, to them, isn’t that interesting.

Other times they hear me, but don’t have the maturity or patience to understand. And there are other times when they are so insistent on what they want or that their way is the right way that they won’t listen to me or hear what I am saying or asking of them. In short, they don’t listen because they’re acting stubborn.

Now a child grows up and becomes an adult and here we are, adults in this crisis together. It’s so obvious, isn’t it? Hashem is calling us. The question is, are we listening? Are we paying attention? Are we allowing ourselves to be distracted instead of listening to His voice? A voice which is BOOMING and LOUD and yet we might continue to ignore it?

Or are we listening and knowing, that somehow, even though we clearly can’t always see it, that this voice too is a voice from our Father, our Tatti, who loves us more than we can know. He’s telling us something and we have to turn to Him, pay attention, and listen. We have to bow our heads in humility like the little aleph that Moshe wrote in the word Vayikra ויקרא and to really internalize that we have absolutely no control in the world-that is no control accept self-control and in the effort that we put into working on our “self”. Once we realize this, then we make ourselves open to hearing and even seeing the great works of Hashem.

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There is a common theme running through the air. We all want to rewind the clock. “Can’t we go back to how things were before?” You have an experience in your life and it shakes you. It knocks you off your feet. You are in pain, you’re wounded. I encountered this many times in women who suffered from post-partum depression or who have PTSD. Each one of them would cry to me, “I just want to be like I was before. I want to feel like I did before. I used to be such a happy, full-of-life person. Will I ever be the same?”

I shake my head at them and tell them, “No you won’t be like you were before. You’ll be so much better, so much stronger, more empathetic, compassionate for others. You will be so much more appreciative for the moments of happiness and tranquility. No, G-d didn’t give you this test to suffer and to return as you were before. You’ll be so, so much better.”

Here we are and so much is happening and so much is unknown. So much is unknown and this too is a great source of anxiety and fear. And again, I keep hearing, “Let it just go back to how it was before.” But no, we can’t.

The Torah tells us:

Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When he saw that he could not prevail against him, he touched the socket of his hip, and the socket of Jacob's hip became dislocated as he wrestled with him.And he (the angel) said, "Let me go, for dawn is breaking," but he (Jacob) said, "I will not let you go unless you have blessed me." So he said to him, "What is your name?" and he said, "Jacob." And he said, "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, because you have commanding power with [an angel of] God and with men, and you have prevailed." And Jacob asked and said, "Now tell me your name," and he said, "Why is it that you ask for my name?" And he (the angel) blessed him (Jacob) there. And Jacob named the place Peniel, for [he said,] "I saw an angel face to face, and my soul was saved." And the sun rose for him when he passed Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh (Beresheit 32:25-32).

Jacob won the wrestling match with the ministering angel of Esau. The sun came up and with it hope and salvation. He won, but he walked limping, wounded. The Aish Hakodesh explains that Jacob was never the same as he was before. However, his suffering was not in vain. He knew this and that is why he wouldn’t let the angel go until he blessed him. Until he himself saw the blessing. Yes, the very limp had a purpose. It changed Jacob and turned him into Israel.

A person has to know that Hashem brings salvation and He brings it in the blink of an eye, but the purpose of the salvation is not to save us from our suffering so that we go on as we were before. We also have to know that somehow, with G-ds help, not only will there be a salvation, but a blessing. We won’t ever be as we were before. No, we can’t because then we would be missing the opportunity to receive a blessing, to make us into a better people, kinder, more compassionate, stronger, more unified and closer to each other and to Hashem than we were before. But we have to be open to it. To hearing the calling and to wanting to listen to the Voice of Hashem.

I believe in us; I see it already. The redemption is around the corner. So many acts of kindness, prayers, and working on ourselves. We will, with G-d’s help, see the blessing in all of this. We just have to be open to hearing it.

Chodesh tov, B’sorot tovot,

Elana