Angel or Mortal?

Today is the yertzeit of my grandmother, Chana Leah bas Shmuel Moshe a’h. May these words of Torah be an aliya to her neshama and give her much naches. It wasn’t a coincidence that they came to me on her yertzeit as my dear aunts tell me she excelled in seeing the good.

I ask myself, who is on a higher level-the one who sees someone as an angel or the one who sees the other as a man?

Let’s take some real-life examples.

A week that is so packed and busy. The woman feels like she has no time to fit in “one more thing”. Not a minute, let alone an hour wasted.

The child comes up to his mother and asks him, “When are we…?” He wants to go somewhere or he wants her to take him to buy something. Something that he wants, but really, he doesn’t need. He asks her one time, two times…she continues to reply, “No, I can’t.” She walks away. He follows. He continues to want and to ask and it’s starting to drive her CRAZY.

She looks at him and thinks, “Why can’t he get it? Doesn’t he see how busy I am? Doesn’t he understand that I don’t have the time, the energy, the money…?”

She looks and thinks that she’s seeing an angel. But then she looks again and she realizes that he’s just a kid.

He asks once again. Now, she perceives a cute little child with tremendous motivation. She turns to him and smiles. “You have such motivation, asking again and again. You want something, you go after it!” He’s confused. She kisses his forehead and tells him, “No, Mommy can’t.” She walks away, he walks away. Mission completed. He’s an angel alright, a messenger from Hashem, but only after she treats him like a human.

Another scene- between a husband and a wife.

I’m starting to get more of these as women call me for shalom bayit (peace in the home)-marital advice.

She doesn’t understand, how can he ask her to do something and not thank her for it? How can she be so emotional? How can he be so oblivious? How could she forget to do what he asked her? How could he not take care of that thing that he was supposed to do?

I look at her, I look at him and I realize the root of the problem. Each one expects the other to be an angel. No one has compassion to see that they are just a human being with human limitations and weaknesses.

Meaning, the other just might say something one time without thinking. The other just might forget to do something. The other might make a mistake. The other just might have faults and insecurities. Does that mean that one shouldn’t be easy-going and forgiving? Does that mean that everything is remembered and based on that one blunder? Maybe the problem isn’t him or her, maybe it’s our perception and not seeing the bigger picture?

I could give more examples, but the children will be home soon from school.

My original question. Who is on a higher level? The one who sees humans or the one who sees angels?

Now the Lord appeared to him in the plains of Mamre, and he was sitting at the entrance of the tent when the day was hot. And he lifted his eyes and saw, and behold, three men were standing beside him, and he saw and he ran toward them from the entrance of the tent, and he prostrated himself to the ground (Bereishit 18:1-2).

and he saw: Why is וַיַרְא written twice [in this verse?] The first is to be understood according to its apparent meaning [i.e., and he saw], and the second means “understanding.” He observed that they were standing in one place, and he understood that they did not wish to burden him. And although they knew that he would come out toward them, they stood in their place out of respect for him, to show him that they did not wish to trouble him, and he went out first and ran toward them.- Rashi

And the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom, and Lot saw and arose toward them, and he prostrated himself on his face to the ground. And he said, "Behold now my lords, please turn to your servant's house and stay overnight and wash your feet, and you shall arise early and go on your way." And they said, "No, but we will stay overnight in the street." (Bereishit 19:1-2).

the…angels: But elsewhere (18:2) Scripture calls them men! When the Shechinah was with them, it calls them men.. — [from Gen. Rabbah 52; Tan. Buber, Vayera 20]- Rashi

You see, we see that seeing is about perception. With Avraham, such a holy man, angels are men. His seeing has to do with understanding and observing. It’s being attuned and in tune to the needs and goodness of the other. The angels that Avraham treated with such kindness and compassion, they were accompanied by the G-d’s Presence (Shechina). However, when it comes to Lot, a man on a lower spiritual level, the angels are angels. Lot’s perceived fears and only his needs influence his words, his actions. The result? Destruction.

We all have the choice to see what we want to see. Or not to see. To see. Maybe I am too simplifying the matter. But it does give us something to think about… to know that this person in my life, yes, every person that is or comes into and out of my life, is a messenger, an angel from G-d. That when I perceive another as a human being with human weaknesses, faults, or challenges, maybe I can be more compassionate, less emotionally charged. Maybe I can myself be kinder?

May we see only good things and hear only good things and may our perceptions bring us blessing and the Presence of G-d into our lives.

Shabbat Shalom,

With blessings,

Elana