Helpless but not Hopeless

Helpless, but not hopeless. Seems to be the theme of the week. Still without a working computer and in these past days

I lost my voice.

Interesting to be helpless, but not hopeless.

Freeing to whisper not because you can’t scream, but because you choose not to.

There was another theme as we approach Rosh Hashana.

There was more than one client who told me, “I want to be good.”

“You are.”

“How do you know? What if I am not?”

“You are. YOU ARE GOOD.”

I wanted to scream the words, but I was forced to whisper.

Who in the world that wants to be good is anything but good? Acts, behavior, this could always need improvement. An act might be bad, but YOU are GOOD.

I sigh from…despair? Frustration? Exhaustion? No, I sigh from relief. It’s a relief to believe and know that you are good. A relief to be helpless, but not hopeless. Do you know what I mean?

I conquered a lot this week. Conquered the thoughts of bad and “I can’t” and replaced them with, “I need to try, with the help of G-d just keep going.” There were successes. I kept calm when I wanted to lose it. This is a true act of might. I felt proud of myself in my moments of despair when instead of getting sucked into a dark moment I reached out for help instead of drowning, I held onto a life-boat of choice. I clung to the Almighty and counted my blessings.

We are commanded, “You shall be glad with all the goodness that Hashem, your G-d, has given you and your household…(Devarim 26:11). I always thought that this was only talking about the gifts and material blessings that Hashem bestows upon us, but after this week I realized that maybe there is an additional goodness that we are commanded to recognize. The goodness that is Divine, our soul, the inherently good within each and every one of us.

I sigh….glad to be helpless, but not hopeless. Glad to have the power to choose to look inside and see good and come up with a list of all the wonderful people that I admire and love. Baruch hashem, there are many.

May you be written and sealed in the book of LIFE.

Shabbat shalom, with blessings,

Elana