Do it for You!

Please bare with me because my laptop crashed to the floor and therefore I’m not typing on my computer…

“Between every stimulus and the response is a space. Within this space lies our opportunity for growth and for freedom.” Victor Frankl a’h, a holocaust survivor.

The quote runs through my head as I find myself in situations. You know, situations with spaces for growth and for freedom. Situations. Some are little and some are big. I ask myself, “How in the world can I access the potential that lies within that space?” What if I am beyond tired or frustrated? What if I feel overwhelmed or vulnerable and alone? What if I feel like I’m being attacked or berated?

I serve pasta with tomato sauce and cheese to the child that just came home. The pasta, has too much cheese or it’s too dry or has too much or too little sauce. It doesn’t matter, it’s not the pasta that bothers him it’s the transition from school to home. This wouldn’t be good nor would that, the problem isn’t the food, it’s his mood.

I feel frustrated. I feel annoyed. Notice I write feel and not “am” because frustrated, annoyed is a state of mind and it’s not who I am. That means I’m currently in a space and I have freedom and choice on how to react in this situation. I want to give him that lecture at how hard Mommy works and how you should be happy with what there is. I want to roll my eyes at his comments and “sensory issues”.

I scan my body. One, two, three. An amazing therapeutic technique that anyone can do, but comes with practice. I drop the muscles that are tense and this gives me the awareness. I tell myself, “You are a tzelem elokim (created in the image of Hashem).”

I don’t know how it works, but it does. I shrug my shoulders at his comments and know the complaints have got nothing to do with me nor with the pasta.

I tell him, “Okay, if you want to eat it, eat it and if you don’t, don’t.” I walk away and he calmly goes for a banana. Now let me explain. I know this script. I said the sentence before because this is what I was taught that mothers need to do. So here what was the difference?

I didn’t do it for him, I did it for myself. Why? Because I am tzelem elokim.

And it will be, when he sits upon his royal throne, that he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah on a scroll from [that Torah which is] before the Levitic kohanim (Devarim 17:18)

Why two copies? Maybe because he needed one as the king of the people. To educate and make sure the nation was upholding the holy Torah. He needed one for them. But he also needed one, not for being the king, but for him. To remind him that no matter what you are doing, great or small, what situation or circumstances G-d puts you in, you, yes, you the individual, are an tzelem Elokim. Meaning you need to act dignified and calm, which can be at times so difficult and challenging, not just for them, but for you….

May we merit to always remember that we are tzelem Elokim. May we tap into the space between stimulus and reaction and use it for growth and freedom.

May you be written and sealed in the Book of Life,

Shabbat Shalom, With blessings,

Elana