Desire

She sits down with a paper and pen. No, not her phone, not a tablet nor a computer. A paper and a pen and her thoughts. They challenged her to think and to write. Write what? Her wants. Her wants? Yes, her wants.

Because you see she rushes throughout the day. She doesn’t have time to stop or to think or to want. No, she does want, but she doesn’t know what anymore. And she realized that if she doesn’t stop and at least know what she wants, how in the world can she appreciate it if she gets it? How can she have clarity to know what she is doing and why? Where she is going and why? How can she do any effort to try to obtain it?

She holds the pen and stares at the paper. It’s scary to want. What if she wants something and she doesn’t get it? What if she wants something and does get it and it’s not good for her? “Oh, wait a minute”. She reminds herself, “Isn’t the obtaining in Hashem’s Hands?

She thinks about the word want, ratzon רצון and turns the letters around and she gets the word pipeline (tube), צינור. She realizes that it’s okay to want. It’s even good to want and to create a pipeline of clarity. A pipeline of blessing that goes from Hashem right down to her. A pipeline of endless possibility that Hashem can give anything and do anything. It doesn’t matter if she gets what she wants or doesn’t get what she wants. Ultimately the Master of the Universe knows what’s good for her and what it isn’t. She has to believe this. No, she has to know this.

The daughters of Zelophehad, they wanted. They had a passion for the holy land. They wanted a portion in the land and they had such clarity. Even though their want seemed impossible they went to Moshe who in turn turned to Hashem to ask for it. And you know what? They are praised for doing so. They got it.

So she, this simple woman with her simple wants and her simple thoughts, she takes a chance and she thinks about her life and she writes it all down. From the latte to buying a home to feeling constant closeness with Hashem and security.

She writes it all down and then she does something that is so so scary. She gives it over to Hashem and she starts to see miracles happen as she puts down her pen and her friends calls to invite her for a latte.

Shabbat Shalom,

With much blessing,