The End....

Yesterday I had, what I thought was, a beautiful idea to give over to you, but before I wrote it down I gave it over to son. My son, my eldest child, shot my idea down. He pulled out a sefer (book) and showed me how I was wrong. With love and pride I admitted that he was right. It feels good to be defeated by the wisdom of your son.

And so I was left with nothing to write about. I even went to bed early last night, but dreams and ideas and thoughts tossed and turned in my mind. The lack of routine makes me restless and I thought and thought some more.

What a week I had. I know. What a week you had.

The “grape juice” bought for the children actually turned out to be wine.

The stomach virus the children suffered from the week getting ready for chag showed up in my belly and this together with my beloved matzah turned my digestive system into a bomb.

It took us hours to get to the kotel, but it was worth every step. For my holy little children it was not for the praying, chalavai! (If only!), but for the free water and balloons that gave them that spiritual high. They were happy, I was happy. And then there was another great moment when I had the merit to help a little boy, who was lost, reunite with his Tatty. This for me made it worth it.

The next day it took us three hours to get to the beach. The baby screaming in the car, one child asking every five minutes when we would get there and other ones fighting. We finally arrived for an hour of fun before the sun set and the journey back home.

Then there were the hikes in the Jerusalem forest with breathtaking views. The flowers in bloom the children-complaining, laughing, crying. The teenager “nuing” everyone along, he’s got things to do. I look around me for a minute and I take a deep breath and I say to myself.

“Elana, enjoy this moment.”

The moment that it’s raining and the moment of intense sun. The moment of cooking and cleaning and planning.

The moment of giddy children who drank way too much wine and the moment of complaining children that they are bored or tired or hungry.

The moment of worrying about…the moment of being without…the moment that you see your house flying and the laundry piling and piling. The moment to the super market one more time and the moment when you feel like crying.

And I just kept thinking all of this holiday how tired I am and, “Please Hashem, come on, help me. I’m trying!”

I’m trying.

And really I’m trying.

And so I told stories all week long of when I was little to my kids. We ate a lot of food and yes next week I know, we’ll all start that “diet”.

And like I say all the time, as my mother tells me that I repeat myself too much, “No expectation, right? Just do what you can, try your best and the outcomes are in

Hashem’s Hands.”

And looking back it was a beautiful holiday and it’s not over yet.

And I look into the Torah to see maybe another insight?

And the Shabbos right after Pesach we have achrei mot, the Yom Kippur service and it says, “Before the Lord, you shall be cleansed from all your sins. ( Vayikray 16:30). Sforno brings down that only Hashem knows what is in all of our hearts.

In all our hearts….

In about an hour is my eldest son’s birthday. The day I became a mother and the day of the splitting of the sea.

The day we sang in the future tense, sang to Hashem and saw His glory.

So Hashem knows what’s in our hearts and He knows that we want and we really try and we must always remember…Nothing that you do is in vain and so yes, sometimes grape juice is wine and it takes you hours and hours to get there and it feels like it wasn’t worth the ride….but then one day you’ll be proved wrong and it will give you such pride and you will see everything revealed in front of you and you’ll understand that every moment of the journey was worth it. And you and I will, G-d willing sing to Hashem in praise and with joy.

Chag sameach! Shabbat Shalom,

Elana