Maybe the Stranger is...YOU!

This is written in memory of my husband’s grandmothers’, the roots to our tree, Rivka bat Ferdose a’h and Mazal bat Sara a’h who both have yertziet’s this week. May their souls be elevated and take pride in the Torah and good deeds of their descendants.

She can understand in a spiritual, even intellectual way that she went through something difficult in order to make her a more compassionate person for…someone else. She sees all the organizations opened because this one went through a challenge and felt a mission to help others going through the same challenge. She applauds them and their courage, their desire to take something which seemed to terrible and to turn it into something which looks so great. She feels relief to know it wasn’t all in vain. The suffering was for a reason. If anything, it propelled her to help…that other person because she too knows what it feels like to go through that…experience…trauma… nightmare.

But where’s the compassion when for whatever reason she goes through the same test again? Why does she criticize herself mercilessly when she feels down once again? What happens to the kindness and the understanding when she tried to get rid of that part of her that feels so strange and foreign to who she is-like an easy-going person who feels tense? A person who works on their faith and is suddenly feeling a panic attack about the idea of it not turning out like she prayed? A woman who was depressed, got out of it and finds she’s there in it once again?

What happens?

I would like to know what happens to self-compassion and self-love? Do you really think it doesn’t apply here too? You went through a test that knocked you off your feet. You felt like a stranger to who you are. With G-d’s help you worked so hard, got the help you needed, passed the test. And here it is again. Here you are again, like a stranger in a foreign land.

What is there to do?

And you shall not mistreat a stranger, nor shall you oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt (Shemot 22:20).

And you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the feelings of the stranger, since you were strangers in the land of Egypt (ibid 23:9).

That’s right, the stranger is not just that other person who, yes, you were given a mission and a privilege to help and understand. The stranger is, as times, also YOU!

Can you find compassion for yourself? Don’t you see that you’re not allowed to mistreat yourself or self-abuse?

Okay, so you find yourself once more in a rut. You’re going through a difficult time. You lost it, you got upset.

You know what, it’s not you. It’s a stranger. But that stranger is in a strange land and they, meaning you, also need your compassion and understanding. The stranger needs to find their way back home, but they can’t do it feeling oppressed and mistreated. The stranger, you, needs forgiving, self-acceptance and self-love.

Sometimes the stranger is that other person, but sometimes the stranger is also you. The message is clear no matter who…be empathetic, have compassion and patience. You were once a stranger and found your way home. So it will be, with G-d’s help, this time too.

It’s early in the week, but I was given a quiet moment now so I took it to write!

May we be blessed with self-compassion and self-love.

May we merit to take our challenges and use them to help other people and may we use them to also be kind and understanding with ourselves.

With blessings,

Elana