Was that a Bribe???
She resisted it because she didn’t like the value behind an “incentive” or a “reward” for doing what you need to do.
She also didn’t want to be someone who just “gave in” because she thought that giving in was because you didn’t have the desire or the time or the energy to deal with the situation at hand. Then something changed. No, it wasn’t a thing that changed, nor the situation, it was her outlook. She took a step back and looked at the bigger picture. What was the goal? The goal she realized was having a relationship.
That meant sometimes an incentive or a prize or even a “bribe” is worth it.
That meant sometimes giving in or giving more then she wanted is worth it.
That meant sometimes staying quiet when she’s right is worth it.
Worth it, when she realized that the goal is to build a relationship, to have a relationship. Because when there’s a relationship, a real relationship, there’s love. There’s trust. There’s connection. There’s something so deep and so true that won’t ever be lost.
And the Lord said to Abram, "Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father's house, to the land that I will show you (Bereishit 12:1).
Go forth: Heb. לֶךְ לְךָ, lit. go to you, for your benefit and for your good, and there I will make you into a great nation, but here, you will not merit to have children. Moreover, I will make your character known in the world. — [from Rosh Hashanah 16b, Tan.] -Rashi
that I will show you: He did not reveal the land to him immediately, in order to make it dear in his eyes and to give him reward for every command. Similarly (below 22:2): “your son, your only one, whom you love, Isaac.” Similarly (ibid.): “on one of the mountains that I will say to you.” Similarly (Jonah 3:2): “and proclaim upon it the proclamation that I will speak to you.” [from Gen. Rabbah 39:9] -Rashi
And I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you, and I will aggrandize your name, and [you shall] be a blessing. And I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse, and all the families of the earth shall be blessed in you (ibid 1:2-3)."
So many blessings? So much reward? All for doing what he (Avraham) was told he needed to do? “Come on,” I say to myself. “I should only know such clarity! I would do it too!” But is it all about just doing? Or is there something more to it?
A person tells a child to do something. Why does the child need a reward?
A boss tells an employee to do something. Why does the employee need a bonus or a raise?
A spouse cooks a meal or hangs the laundry. Why do you need to smile and say thank you?
Aren’t they doing what they need to do?
At last I finally understood.
Life is not about making a person do what you want them to do or what you think they should do because it’s best for them. Life is also about relationships. And it’s about not taking anything for granted.
You give incentives and you give rewards. You give “in” and you keep quiet even when you’re right. You bow your head in humility. You say thank you even if someone is just fulfilling their obligation. Why? To build a relationship. With God, with others, with yourself.
***
She gets out of bed in the morning. It’s a struggle. She’s exhausted and didn’t sleep. She gets up because she has no choice. No choice.
She goes throughout her day. He goes throughout his day. They do a million things because they think or they are taught that they have to.
And they do have to. Life is full of obligation and responsibilities.
But…
It’s a choice and what does God tell you about every detail of this choice?
And the Lord said to Abram, "Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father's house, to the land that I will show you (Bereishit 12:1).
that I will show you: He did not reveal the land to him immediately, in order to make it dear in his eyes and to give him reward for every command. -Rashi
You make dinner. Do you realize that in every chop of the knife and every mix of the spoon you receive reward?
You greet someone when they walk in the room. Do you realize that in every motion your face makes to smile and every sound your voice produces to say hello you receive reward?
You make a call to make someone feel cared for. Do you realize that in every number you press on your telephone you receive reward?
You go to work to support your family. You go to the baby in the middle of the night. You visit a relative or a friend and make them happy. You change a diaper or pick up trash on the floor. You say a Psalm for a sick person or pray for the welfare of someone else. You stop what you are doing to attend to someone else. Every step you take, every command you fulfill, there’s reward. Don’t take your effort and your time and your energy for granted.
Even if no one in the world knows and no one in the world sees, He’s watching above and there’s reward.
***
May we take delight in building our relationships and grow in the process of giving and receiving. May we form lasting, loving bonds with family, teachers and friends. May we see how much God loves us and wants a relationship with us. May we value all we do and never lose sight of why we’re doing it.
Shabbat Shalom,
Elana