Still Standing?

She turned to me, a woman with one baby expecting her second, and asked, “It gets easier doesn’t it?”

“Well it does and it doesn’t,” I answered her honestly.

I find myself holding my breath riding the waves of life. One wave I master. I ride it out and then another one comes along. The waves of life’s everyday busyness- just gotta get this done- and of course both the big and small challenges. Does it get easier? I’m not so sure, but who says we are here for an easy ride?

You see there’s a bit of a myth out there. One says that when children are little they’re easy. Tell that to a sleepless woman who is feeding, changing diapers, bathing, cuddling all day. One says that when children are older they’re easier. Tell that to a sleepless woman who prepares food, washes clothing, sits down for homework, clothing shops, deals with therapies or lack of them all day. Then the children get even older and yes, certain things are easy and no, certain things are not. There’s physical challenges and emotional challenges and they are at any age. It’s not easy to be a kid and it’s not easy to be an adult.

You tell yourself, “I just need to make it through the summer.” You do. But then it’s, “through the holidays.” Or whatever comes along in the calendar. You’re holding on for dear life. You don’t think you’ll make it, but you know what? With the help of God, you do.

One says living alone is easy and carefree. It’s not. It’s terrible to feel alone or to be alone when you don’t choose to. It’s also challenging to be around people when you need to be alone! It’s overwhelming to have so many responsibilities and things to do and it’s depressing not to feel needed or wanted.

Having a career is a blessing and a challenge and staying home is both as well.

One looks at their stage in life and says, “This one is hard, but it’s going to get easier.” Yes, the stage passes and the challenge and then another one comes along.

Nu, so what do you do?

You are all standing this day before the Lord, your God the leaders of your tribes, your elders and your officers, every man of Israel, your young children, your women, and your convert who is within your camp both your woodcutters and your water drawers, that you may enter the covenant of the Lord, your God, and His oath, which the Lord, your God, is making with you this day, in order to establish you this day as His people, and that He will be your God, as He spoke to you, and as He swore to your forefathers to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. But not only with you am I making this covenant and this oath, but with those standing here with us today before the Lord, our God, and [also] with those who are not here with us, this day (Devarim 29:14-19).

You are… standing this day: You have provoked the Omnipresent to anger many times, yet He has not made an end to you. Indeed, you still exist before Him [“standing… before the Lord”]. — [Tanchuma 1]

this day: [You exist now] Just as this day exists. For [although] it becomes dark [for a period, nevertheless] it shines [again]. So too, here, God has made light for you, and He will again make light for you in the future. And the curses and sufferings preserve you and enable you to stand before Him [the curses, by preventing you to stray from serving Him, and the sufferings, by cleansing you of your sins]. Similarly, in the previous parashah [of Ki Tavo, Moses spoke] words of conciliation, [e.g.,] “You have seen all that the Lord did…” (Deut. 29:1). -Rashi

What do you do? You take a deep breath. You focus. Yes, focus on the goal. First, you’re alive! You exist! That existence is for a purpose. No one said the ride was easy. There are bumps along the road and a sea full of waves that lift you up and thrush you down. Focus on the why not the how-why am I here?

“Ah, yes, it’s for a reason. I’m doing this all for a reason. My life has a purpose and a goal.”

When you do this and cling to the fact that time and time again God will take you out of your darkest moment, you’ll see that you’re standing, still standing. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it all.

***

A woman came to me the other evening with a story that was enough to keep me up all night with nightmares. I didn’t want to be the one to hear, but that’s part of my job, to listen to stories that are heartbreaking to hear.

I thought about this woman all the next day and the more that I thought about her, the more I felt awe for her. Why? She keeps going.

So many women. I hear their stories and I cry in my heart.

But I also see their strength and their faith. I see how they keep going.

Yes, it’s their faith that keeps them going.

One might ask why? Some a complex question with a complex answer.

You are all standing this day before the Lord, your God the leaders of your tribes, your elders and your officers, every man of Israel, your young children, your women, and your convert who is within your camp both your woodcutters and your water drawers…

Look at yourself and your own story. Look and see something important.

The challenges, the struggles, the pain and you’re still standing? You still have faith?

You’re huge.

Yes, huge.

And you know, or at least I hope you do. That it’s a part of you. Yes, not to be erased or pushed under a rug. It’s a part of you. It built you. It made you who you are and you’re beautiful. And today you’re still standing. That’s HUGE.

***

Don’t tell me that you can’t because you’re too old or too weak or too tired.

Don’t tell me you can’t because you’re too poor or don’t have the resources or the education.

Don’t tell me you can’t because you’re not bright enough or smart enough or pretty enough.

It’s true that are things that you can’t do or can’t obtain, but it’s not “because…” you can’t.

And Moses went, and he spoke the following words to all Israel. He said to them, "Today I am one hundred and twenty years old. I can no longer go or come, and the Lord said to me, "You shall not cross this Jordan (Devarim 31:1-2)…”

Moses went…I can no longer go or come: One might think [this means] that Moses’ strength had ebbed [and that is why he could no longer go or come]. Scripture [however] states [regarding Moses], “His eye had not dimmed, nor had he lost his [natural] moisture” (Deut. 34:7) [which teaches us that his powers were intact even on the day of his passing]. So what then is [the meaning of] “I can no longer”? [Here it means:] “I am not permitted,” because authority was taken from him and granted to Joshua.

and the Lord said to me: This is the meaning of “I can no longer go or come,” because “the Lord said to me….” – Rashi

The only reason why you can’t is because Hashem doesn’t want you to. And this, for reasons beyond our understanding, is for the good.

***

May we continue to stand with strength and faith. May we accept the “I can’t” in life with humility and faith. May we ride life’s waves with tranquility and cling to Hashem Who will bring us to shore.

Ketiva ve Chatima Tova, Shana Tova u Metukah,

May this be a sweet, blessed year with health, growth, happiness, peace within and peace without.

Shabbat Shalom,

Elana