How to Deal with Rejection
“I can’t.” It took her how many years to say these words?
“I can’t.” It took her how many to years to admit that she couldn’t do everything, be everything, have everything, give everything.
“I can’t.” It took her how many life lessons? How many rejections? How many? Until she at last she learns the lesson of acceptance. Acceptance of what? Of no.
Why in the world did G-d create a world of rejections and
“NO”?
I entreated the Lord at that time, saying… “Pray let me cross over and see the good land that is on the other side of the Jordan, this good mountain and the Lebanon." But the Lord was angry with me because of you, and He did not listen to me, and the Lord said to me, "It is enough for you; speak to Me no more regarding this matter (Devarim 3:23-27).
This (חִנּוּן) is one of ten terms which denote prayer (Sifrei).
Pray let me cross over: Heb. אֶעְבְּרָה נָא. [The word] נָא is nothing but an expression of request.
It is enough for you רַב-לָךְ [explained as “you have much”]: More than this is reserved for you: Much is the goodness that is kept for you. (Sifrei)
Moshe did so much. He did only with the best intentions and the best motives. All he wanted to do was to do for the others, for Hashem. Moshe asked. He pleaded! He begged! It’s so clear in my eyes and in my mind that he deserved to enter Eretz Yisrael. And what does God tell his beloved servant? NO. Why? More than this is reserved for you: Much is the goodness that is kept for you. To teach us that there is so much more to the no than we could possibly ever understand or ever know. My eyes don’t see or know what God sees and knows. We don’t understand that when Hashem says, “no”, He is at the same time saying “yes.”
When we say no, we also say yes.
You say no to work and yes to your family.
You say no to an item and yes to a value.
You say no to stretching yourself to the point of breaking and yes to being calm and patient.
You say, “No, I can’t.” And yes to, “Hashem, He can.”
You say, “No, I’m not in control.” And yes to, “God is!”
No is not a sign of rejection.
***
She was certain that she would get the job. She was the perfect candidate. She didn’t get it.
She was certain that he would want to go out again. The date had been lovely. She enjoyed his company. He didn’t want to go out again.
She was certain that the treatment would work.
Everything came back looking so good and perfect. In the end it didn’t take; it didn’t work.
She was certain that it was hers or meant to be hers. But it wasn’t.
Why? Why didn’t she get it? Why didn’t it work out the way she intended? Because how it works with us live humans is that if I didn’t get it, it wasn’t mine. If I can’t obtain it, then it won’t help me fulfill my life purpose or mission in this world. If I didn’t marry that man, he wasn’t my destiny. If I didn’t have that child, s/he wasn’t meant to be my daughter or my son.
Go up to the top of the hill and lift up your eyes westward and northward and southward and eastward and see with your eyes, for you shall not cross this Jordan. But command Joshua and strengthen him and encourage him, for he will cross over before this people, and he will make them inherit the land which you will see (ibid 3:27-28).
And the perfect leader of the nation won’t lead them into the Land if it’s not his mission to do so.
***
May we find consolation in “no” by not taking it as rejection. May we understand that “no” also means yes. May we be blessed with clarity to know what our tafkid (mission) is and tap into our personal tailor-made resources so that we can fulfill it.
Shabbat Shalom,
Elana