When More is Less

These words were dedicated to the complete and speedy recovery of baby Eliyahu Eliezer ben Rachel and the child, Arel ben Sivan. May they have a refuah shleima b’toch kol Am Yisrael.

I get it a lot. A woman comes for a massage with a stiff back or neck and she wants me to dig hard into her muscles.

“Can you do it harder?” She asks with the false assumption that the way to release tension is by causing pain.

Expecting women come carrying way beyond their due date. I gently tap into the hormonal system and the central nervous system by doing reflexology on their feet and by massaging their lower backs and bellies.

“Shouldn’t this hurt? Maybe you need to do it harder?” She asks with the false assumption that the way for a baby to descend and a body to open is by forcing it to do so. Instead I tell them that the key is just the opposite. With a gentle turn you can release the lock. By letting go and relaxing you can help get things moving.

The children misbehave, and the mother feels fed up and frustrated. She raises her voice louder and louder. She thinks (or maybe by now she’s not even thinking) that the louder she screams the more they’ll listen. Once again, a false assumption. A controlled soft voice and stern look into the eyes are more effective (at least in the long run) then an out of control potch (slap) and yelling. When you scream or lose control the other person simply tunes you out. You gain nothing.

She’s had many options to get married she tells me, but she keeps looking. She’s not sure, maybe if she dates some more she’ll have clarity. The opposite is true. She merely gets herself more confused.

They’re working hard to pay the bills. Maybe if they take on one more job they’ll have more money? It doesn’t work. As much as they work the same amount comes in as it did before.

The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: "Take the staff and assemble the congregation, you and your brother Aaron, and speak to the rock in their presence so that it will give forth its water. You shall bring forth water for them from the rock and give the congregation and their livestock to drink."… Moses raised his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, when an abundance of water gushed forth, and the congregation and their livestock drank (Bamidbar 20:7-11)

twice: Because the first time he drew out only a few drops, since God had not commanded him to strike it, but, “you shall speak to the rock.” However, they spoke to a different rock, and nothing came out. They said, “Perhaps we ought to strike it first,” as it says, “and strike the rock” (Exod. 17:6). They came upon that very rock and struck it. — [Midrash Tanchuma Chukath 9, Num. Rabbah 19:9]- Rashi

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "Since you did not have faith in Me to sanctify Me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly to the Land which I have given them (ibid 20:12).

to sanctify Me: For had you spoken to the rock and it had given forth [water], I would have been sanctified in the eyes of the congregation. They would have said, "If this rock, which neither speaks nor hears, and does not require sustenance, fulfills the word of the Omnipresent, how much more should we! - [Midrash Aggadah]- Rashi

Could it be in this case that Hashem told Moshe and Aaron to speak to the rock and not to strike it because he wanted them, as our leaders, to teach us a valuable lesson?

Which is?

More isn’t always better.

Harder isn’t always more effective.

Louder doesn’t always mean you’ll be heard.

Faster doesn’t always mean you’ll get there first.

Why?

Because nothing in life is a mathematical equation. Or at least not an equation that we write.

You see one might calculate that in an area of their life if they only do more they’ll get more, but this isn’t always the case. Like working more will equate to earning more money. Tying one more method of healing will equate to better health. And even if you do hit the rock and the rock springs forth water, the price paid might be so high that it clearly isn’t worth it.

The more effort we think we must make to get something done, the more we distance ourselves from Hashem, Who is really doing all that gets done. The more we think we can control a situation, the less control we have of its outcome.

You see because in life more, stronger, harder, isn’t always better.

May we be blessed to stay calm and in control of each trying moment. May we have the clarity to know how much to do and when.

Shabbat Shalom,

Elana