One in a Million
She feels at a loss. She looks around her and wishes that she were someone else, doing something else. She wishes that she wasn’t…didn’t... A deep sigh and she unhappily wishes.
She wonders, “What am I doing here?”
Where?
In this world.
She feels like maybe it doesn’t matter. If she’s here or if she isn’t. Is there an intrinsic reason for her being here when she’s just one of many? Would anyone notice or care if she wasn’t here?
The Lord spoke to Moses in the Sinai Desert (Wilderness), in the Tent of Meeting on the first day of the second month, in the second year after the exodus from the land of Egypt, saying (Bamidbar 1:1).
Where did God speak to Moses? In the desert? In the wilderness? In the place where you feel like there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. A place where you might feel like nothing. One grain of sand among billions.
What did He say?
Take a census (lift of the head) of the entire assembly of the children of Israel, by families following their fathers' houses; a head count of every male according to the number of their names (ibid 1:2).
Names - It was a great honor for each person that he gave his name, as an individual, Moses and Aaron. -Ramban
That’s right. Hashem spoke to Moses in the desert. He spoke to him in the wilderness where a person might feel lost or like they have no direction or no importance. There in the desert He counted them. Why?
Because they were dear to Him, He counted them often.- Rashi
He counted them because they were dear to Him and He did it by name because each person is an individual. Each person has a specific role and a specific reason why they are here. Each person has a purpose. Which means that yes, your existence is important. Yes, you make a difference to this world. Yes, God is watching you and counting you and paying attention to you. Even if you feel like a mere insignificant grain of sand in the desert, you’re not.
***
She starts to dream. Maybe it’s better over there? Maybe it would be easier over there?
Over there. Over there. Over there.
She dreams. She wants to be like that one and she wants to do this and that and this and that. She questions all the time and thinks maybe she’s not doing what she should be doing or she should be doing more. She peers over at the lives of her neighbors.
How is it that that woman over there, she can teach such a beautiful class and run a beautiful home and always have it put together? How is it that woman, the one over there, how can she go to graduate school and have a family at the same time? How is that woman over there, how can she host guests and volunteer for so many organizations and never appear hurried or stressed? How is it that that woman, the one over there….
The Lord spoke to Moses saying:… The children of Israel shall encamp, each man by his own camp and each man by his banner, according to their legions (ibid 1:48-52).
Do you see how the Nation of Israel encamped according to the word of Hashem? Each one according to his own camp, each man by his banner. God created this person with these strengths and that person with those talents and this one with this mission and that one with that role. Each human being has his or her own banner and place and role.
So over there really isn’t better, for me that is. It’s not my life, not my identity, not my role. It might look easier but I wasn’t even made with the tools to handle “that” so actually it would be harder. The one who is happy is the one who doesn’t compare or judge, but who stands by her own camp, her own banner and embraces her God-given roles (and challenges).
May we always feel that we “count” and that we can and do make a difference in this world. May we always remember that we are dear and precious to Hashem. May we embrace our identities and use our individual strengths to encamp and to march forward.
Chodesh tov! Shabbat Shalom and Chag Sameach!