A Helping Hand of Hope

A friend just called me and asked me what I thought she should do. She sees a woman socially. Maybe it’s in the park or the supermarket down the block. It could be in the synagogue or a daily rendezvous at the bus stop. The other woman isn’t exactly a friend, but she’s certainly not a stranger. She’s an acquaintance, that’s for sure.

She sees the other woman and she’s concerned because she sees how the other woman is wasting away. It’s obvious to her that the other woman has an eating disorder. Should she approach her? Should she not? What do I think she should do?

Let’s say it was something else. Not an eating disorder, but you see a woman and you can tell that she’s going under. Sometimes you know why, sometimes you don’t. What do you do? Maybe the woman is overwhelmed? Maybe she’s after birth or maybe she’s going through a hard time with a teenager. Could it be that she’s alone? She’s single. She has no children. Maybe she has a child and the years have passed and she has no more. Are there marital issues? Financial issues? Surely there’s something going on. Look at her face, the way she stands or walks or the way she greets you.

Something is going on.

Something is always going on. Isn’t it? With everyone?

Yes and no.

She asks me what I think she should do.

The answer isn’t so straightforward or simple.

Do you approach her? Do you say something? Will it sound like an attack and be painful or will this be the planting of the salvation seed?

It’s not so easy to know what to do. We all don’t have the tools or the skills or the tact to know how to approach, when to approach, if to approach…

If your brother becomes destitute and his hand falters beside you, you shall support him [whether] a convert or a resident, so that he can live with you (Vayikra 25:35)

you shall support him: Do not allow him to fall down and collapse altogether, in which case it would be difficult to pick him up again [from his dire poverty]. Rather, “support him” while his hand is still faltering [for then it is easier to help him out of his trouble]. To what can this be compared? To a load on a donkey-while it is still on the donkey, one person can grasp it and hold it in place. Once it falls to the ground, however, [even] five people cannot pick it up. - [Torath Kohanim 25:71]-Rashi

What should we do? What did I tell my friend that I think that she should do?

I told her to reach out her hand and not to ignore the plight of the other woman. To plant a seed, say something like an indirect story of someone in a similar situation who found help. Give her a reassuring smile. Something. Not to intrude or jump to conclusions. But to do something, what she feels she can, to leave a door open so that this woman knows she’s not alone and that someone cares.

You see our job is not to all be saviors. We’re not all qualified or skilled to know how and when and if. We are all bogged down with our own responsibilities and challenges. But there is something fundamental in this above teaching of the Holy Torah about not letting a person fall so down that they feel helpless and are unable to get up.

In any situation you have the capability to pray for someone, encourage them with a smile or kind word that simply says, “I care about you. I’m here.” Imagine the strength you give someone by “simply” saying, “I care.”

***

I was after birth and she was before and we were eating at the same table.

I didn’t want to be there. She didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be home already. She wanted to be home already. I was there. She was there. I knew that if I was still there it was for a reason and if she was there it was for a reason.

I wanted to hear her reason.

She told me her story.

When she was nineteen she had a terrible case of endometriosis. She had a terrible infection in her uterus. The situation was grave. She spent three months in the hospital and they performed surgery. In the recovery room the doctor came in and told her coldly, “You will never have children.” Imagine saying such a thing to a nineteen-year-old woman! Imagine hearing such a thing as a nineteen-year-old woman!

She stared back at him, “You are not G-d to say such a thing.” She said it with strength but she told me that the words of that doctor were crushing rocks to her soul. She felt heartbroken and destroyed.

Later she went to another doctor. The doctor wasn’t Jewish. He stared at her intently and firmly told her, “Lady, I don’t know what will be with you, but I will tell you something. You have a powerful G-d and He, He can do anything.”

As the first doctor’s words destroyed her. These brought her back to life.

G-d makes matches above and this woman she met her husband. He had been in a terrible car accident and had been told that do to the injury in his pelvis area and spine he would probably never be able to father children.

This man met that woman. G-d is powerful and He, He can do anything.

I met this woman in the hospital. She was pregnant (naturally) with their fifth child. She had been in the hospital since week 19 of her pregnancy. Now she was reaching full term and very much wanting and waiting to give birth.

I knew there was a reason she was there and I was there. I had to hear this story. It lifted me up and gave me strength. I knew there was a reason she was there and I was there. I had to write this story. I hope it will lift you up and give you strength…

Later that evening I told her to come to my room and I rubbed her feet and gave her a reflexology treatment as she held my newborn baby.

A few days after I went home I went to Kever Rachel and I davened for this woman and her yet to be born baby. As I was praying she texted me, “I’m in the delivery room!” Her fifth child, a son, was born to her that day.

If your brother becomes destitute and his hand falters beside you, you shall support him [whether] a convert or a resident, so that he can live with you (Vayikra 25:35).

You see a person who is destitute has no hope. Poverty isn’t just being without money. Poverty is a state of being when a person feels they are lacking and without hope.

A person should never and can never take away someone else’s hope. But surely you can “support” them and take them out of their state of destitution by encouraging them and giving them hope. Hope is wealth. Hope is opportunity. Hope is life.

May we all have the energy and the strength to care and let those around us know it. May we feel loved and cared for. May we believe and have hope and may we encourage and give out riches by showering those around us with hope.

Shabbat shalom,

Elana