Holy Reflections

She sees the raised eyebrows of her friend as she talks and she knows that her friend can’t help it. After all, when the roles are reversed she raises her eyebrows too.

You see she was complaining, well she would like to think of it as commenting, but really it was complaining. Or you could say she was pointing something out that she doesn’t like. It was about her mother or maybe her mother in-law, her husband or her child. Maybe it was about her neighbor or that woman who works with her. Whoever she was whatever she did it annoyed her.

She talks or complains. Her friend raises her eyebrows. Why? Because her friend knows her. She really knows her and the very thing that she criticizes about that “other” is the very weakness that she herself needs to work on.

This, it happens all the time.

That quality or characteristic, the one that makes your blood boil and causes you upset and anger. The thing that you think is the opposite of what you want or who you are, look at it again. Maybe it’s precisely the area that you need to grow in or work on.

And Aaron shall bring his sin offering bull, and shall [initiate] atonement for himself and for his household, and he shall [then] slaughter his sin offering bull…He shall then slaughter the he goat of the people's sin offering and bring its blood within the dividing curtain, and he shall do with its blood as he had done with the bull's blood, and he shall sprinkle it upon the ark cover and before the ark cover (Vayikra 16:11-15).

That’s right, the High Priest on the holiest day of the year (Yom Kippur) would come to the holiest place in the world to ask for forgiveness, atonement on behalf of the entire nation. But first he had to come with humility and sincerity and ask forgiveness on behalf of himself.

And this is a great lesson for all of us in all aspects of our lives. We tend to look out before we look in. We tend to tune out before we tune in. I’m telling you that child, that relative, that person in your life. They are in your life for a reason. Maybe it’s not an exact reflection. Maybe it is far from you and really is the opposite of who you are, but that person was put into your life for a reason. That experience, that situation, that test, was put into your life for a reason. The challenge is for a reason. It’s to make you stop and look inside and to grow.

***

I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear the excuses. I don’t want to tell them to myself either because I know that I do all the time. It’s like she forgets or I forget. We need reminding.

She’s tired or she’s irritable. She’s hungry.

Of course, because she goes and she goes and she doesn’t rest or she doesn’t eat. She forgets or she gets distracted or she doesn’t realize how important it really is.

I give her practical, easy ideas to take care of herself. I understand that she’s stretched in a million directions and it’s not the time to sit down for gourmet meals or indulge reading with her feet up. It’s not the time in her life and that’s also a blessing. But she’s forgetting the basics. She’s forgetting that her body is a vessel of holiness and you can’t give if you’re empty.

She needs reminding. I need reminding. You need reminding.

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Speak to the entire congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy (Vayikra 19:1-2)

That’s right. She’s holy and you’re holy because G-d is Holy and He is that holiest part within you. So, to a precious holy vessel what do we do? We take care of it. We honor it. We treat it with respect. We don’t want it to break or crack. We want it intact so that it can be full of holiness and light.

I remind her and I remind myself that it takes work to take care of yourself. But the work in itself is holy.

***

She’s upset. She’s hurt and angry and rightfully so. It was painful. She didn’t deserve such treatment. She replays the incident over and over. She carries it with her, for years! The pain and the hurt. She wishes it were different and it’s not.

Then, something happens and she lets go. She realizes that the other person won’t change or she realizes that it happened because it was meant to happen. She can’t go back now, but she can go forward. The other person, they won’t listen or hear or change. But she, she can. She lets go and she feels at peace and there’s hope.

You shall not curse a deaf person (ibid 19:14).

That’s right. Don’t curse a deaf person. Why not? They won’t hear you anyways so go ahead and tell them off! No, the Torah tells you can’t curse someone, even if they don’t hear. It doesn’t matter. Don’t curse that person who won’t change and you want them to and who you so want to tell off. They won’t listen and they won’t change. They’re stubborn. They don’t want to hear.

All the more so, don’t curse them! Don’t tell them off! Tell me, again. Why not? You can’t curse them because it’s not good for you. Instead of holding in that anger or that pain, let go. I know it’s hard, but the reward is worth it. Take a deep breath, let go. You’ll feel at peace, you’ll feel stronger, calmer.

***

May we be blessed with the clarity and strength to know what we need to work on and how. May we look inward before we look out. May we grow stronger by each encounter and challenge in our lives. May we treat ourselves with love and respect. May we learn to accept, feel calm and peaceful.

This is dedicated to my daughter, Tehila Bracha, may she grow and be healthy and strong to serve her Creator. May she enter the Torah, Chupah, and Maasim Tovim along with her siblings and all the children of Am Yisrael.

Shabbat Shalom,

With blessings,

Elana