Don't Hold your Breathe!

I take everything that a woman tells me as serious, but this time, seriously, I couldn’t help, but smile. She’s a mother of many children. A grown woman. She’s beautiful and slender and has a heart of gold. I take her problems and her feelings and her challenges seriously. After all, my work is a serious matter and I’m a serious person. This time though, this time, I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t take what she told me as serious.

You see this woman, she has skin problems. She’s been to the best dermatologist and tried all the creams and all the diets known in the skin problem world. Objectively when I look at her, I barely notice, but I understand that it bothers her. What I couldn’t take seriously though was when she told me that she went to a yoga class and the teacher told her that she had to meditate on her skin problems and talk to them. She wanted her to think about what her pimples were telling her. This caused a great amount of stress to this beautiful, heart of gold woman. And I, I couldn’t take this teacher’s comment seriously.

“You have got to be kidding me!”

You see everything in this world has a reason and a purpose and G-d sends us numerous messages throughout the day. What the messages mean? I don’t know, more than Him saying, “Connect to me!” But I don’t think He wants us going through our day being depressed about every single thing (such as pimples) and spend time meditating on them.

I told her, “You have oily skin. You did all the effort that you could do. You went to the best doctors, tried the best creams. You eat the right foods. Maybe you have skin problems just because we all have something and no one is perfect. One has a big nose and one has wide hips. One has crooked teeth and one has fat ankles. And you know what? Who cares? You could fix this and you could fix that or you could just leave it alone.

Maybe Hashem just wants you to accept yourself and all your imperfections? G-d willing you’ll be eighty with oily skin and you’ll look like sixty-two and then you’ll understand the reason behind the pimples.”

She laughed. I laughed with her.

And he made the washstand of copper and its base of copper from the mirrors of the women who had set up the legions, who congregated at the entrance of the tent of meeting (Shemot 38:8)

from the mirrors of the women who had set up the legions: Heb. בְּמַרְאֹתהַצֹבְאֹת Israelite women owned mirrors, which they would look into when they adorned themselves. Even these [mirrors] they did not hold back from bringing as a contribution toward the Mishkan, but Moses rejected them because they were made for temptation [i.e., to inspire lustful thoughts]. The Holy One, blessed is He, said to him, “Accept [them], for these are more precious to Me than anything because through them the women set up many legions [i.e., through the children they gave birth to] in Egypt.” When their husbands were weary from back-breaking labor, they [the women] would go and bring them food and drink and give them to eat. Then they [the women] would take the mirrors and each one would see herself with her husband in the mirror, and she would seduce him with words, saying, “I am more beautiful than you.” And in this way they aroused their husbands desire and would copulate with them, conceiving and giving birth there, as it is said: “Under the apple tree I aroused you” (Song 8:5)… So did Rabbi Tanchuma expound [on the matter] (Midrash Tanchuma, Pekudei 9; Num. Rabbah 9:14). -Rashi

Imagine the power of those mirrors! Those holy mirrors that when a woman looked at herself she said, “I’m beautiful!” She didn’t see ugly imperfections that maybe just maybe are not even there. And if they are. Who cares? She saw beauty and her husband saw beauty and with this beauty they populated and built a nation instead of being fixated on the negative which destroys the world.

***

She’s so busy taking care of everyone else that she forgets to take care of herself.

She’s hungry, they’re hungry, she gives them to eat first and she’s irritable.

They’re exhausted so she does everything that she can to make sure that they get to bed. But because she didn’t stop or rest throughout the day, when it’s finally her turn to go to sleep she doesn’t drift off, she collapses.

A client calls, she wants time and attention. The problem is there are no boundaries and so instead of feeling good about the work she does she feels resentful and like she’s been taken advantage of.

She wants so so much to do good and to extend herself beyond what’s humanly possible. Then she realizes, either because she crashed physically, emotionally, or spiritually, that she can’t.

Bezalel, son of Uri, son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, had made all that the Lord had commanded Moses (Shemot 38:22).

Bezalel, the son of Uri… had made all that the Lord had commanded Moses: “That Moses had commanded him is not written here, but all that the Lord had commanded Moses,” [meaning that] even [in] things that his master [Moses] had not said to him, his [Bezalel’s] view coincided with what was said to Moses on Sinai. For Moses commanded Bezalel to first make the furnishings and afterwards the Mishkan. Bezalel responded, “It is common practice to first make a house and then to put furniture into it.” He said to him, “This is what I heard from the mouth of the Holy One, blessed is He.” Moses said to him [Bezalel], “You were in the shadow of God [בְּצֵל אֵל, which is the meaning of Bezalel’s name. I.e., you are right], for surely that is what the Holy One, blessed be He, commanded me.” And so he did: [Bezalel] first [made] the Mishkan, and afterwards he made the furnishings. -[from Ber. 55a] -Rashi

In all my days, I did not call my wife, my wife… I called my wife, my home, because she is the essence of the home…(Shabbat 118b)

If a woman is a home how can she house anything unless her walls are strong and stable, her roof sturdy and her foundation firm? With the help of G-d she can surely nurture and take care of great holy things, but only if she nurtures herself first. (It’s not instead of it’s a means to…) She can build up others, but she has to first build up herself. She can repair and “fix” others, but only after she repairs herself. She can beautiful and glorify those around her, but only after she beautifies herself. It’s the order of the world. First the home, then furnishings. First the structure and foundation, then the décor. First you need a container and then you can contain.

May we all be blessed to see our true beauty and let this beauty reflect onto others. May we achieve greatness and strength and build strong glorious homes (and selves). One small step at a time, using many materials, and with a lot of work and help from those around us and of course from Above.

Shabbat Shalom,

Elana