What a Smell!
She wishes that she could just pretend it wasn’t a part of her. Maybe it’s a person, like a relative. Maybe it’s an experience-something that frightened her, left her vulnerable, left her feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Maybe it’s an actual part of who she is, like a personality trait or an inborn characteristic or a physical or mental disability.
It leaves a bad taste in her mouth. The smell of it is foul, and it lingers.
Yet it’s part of her, who she is. Meaning she can’t run away from it even though she wants to.
What can she do about it?
And the Lord said to Moses: "Take for yourself aromatics, [namely] balsam sap, onycha and galbanum, aromatics and pure frankincense; they shall be of equal weight. And you shall make it into incense, a compound according to the art of the perfumer, well blended, pure, holy. And you shall crush some of it very finely, and you shall set some of it before the testimony in the Tent of Meeting, where I will arrange meetings with you; it shall be to you a holy of holies. (Shemot 30:34-37)
galbanum: A spice with a vile odor, called galbane [in Old French], galbanum.-Rashi
Yes, what can she do? She can take it, accept it, realizing that yes, it’s a part of her. A part of her from Hashem, just like all the parts of her. It’s not a mistake. It wasn’t by accident. It’s one part of many that make her the beautiful fragrant composition of aromatics that she is. She can blend it with her other parts and use it and all that comes along with it to enrich her life and elevate her soul. This part too she can offer up to Hashem, use it for holy.
***
She’s so exhausted that she doesn’t know what to do with herself anymore. Not just physically exhausted-that might have a tangible solution. No, it’s this emotional exhaustion of dealing with the same mental challenges over and over again.
She complains. She complains a lot. Her complaining has a theme and a pattern. It’s usually the same rhetoric over and over again.
When she takes a step back and looks at the big picture. She realizes that really, on whole, things are thankfully going well. There’s a majority of purely objective revealed goodness and blessing.
The problem is she, that’s right, it’s “I”, get caught up in the one heavy element that brings one down and she, I mean “I”, forget to take a step back and look at the big picture.
So instead of complaining. She makes a list. It doesn’t have to be on paper, but it helps if it does. She writes down what’s going on in her life. The challenging part, the difficulty. Then she starts to list all the good, the abundancy. Maybe it’s the “simple” fact that she’s breathing? She writes it all down and she realizes that the heavy element is one among many. The foul-smelling galbanum is a small fraction of a mixtures of spices. Yes, it’s smelly, and it’s hard to deal with. But this too she keeps in proportion, because if not, she’ll faint from mental exhaustion. If not, she’ll miss the million other pleasant aromatic orders of life. And this and this alone will be the greatest loss in her life.
***
Ending it short today as the Purim holiday and festivities approach and b”H who has time to write and who has time to read!
May we have the clarity to take all the parts of us and make a beautiful mixture out of them. May we have the clarity to stay focused, even when it’s so challenging, on the good.
Many blessings, Purim Sameach and Shabbat Shalom,
Elana