Achieving Gold
It’s not that it was always obvious to me. Really it wasn’t, and unfortunately, to most it’s not, but it should be.
She’s a few months after birth and she her spirits are down, she feels low and depressed. I work with this all the time. Partly it’s normal, partly it’s not. I have what to offer her. We go through diet and supplements. I stress the importance of rest, exercise and getting fresh air, making dates with friends, and getting help. I teach her breathing techniques to help with anxiety and I balance the hormonal and central nervous system on her feet. If I saw that the situation was grave I would refer her to a CBT therapist and tell her who to turn to, to speak with about medicinal options. We go through all this and she’s willing and wants to help herself and then she says to me, “But I just feel so low because I’m not accomplishing anything. It’s like I’m stuck right now and I can’t get ahead.”
I almost don’t understand what she is talking about.
You just brought a life into this world and you are responsible for raising and taking care of a soul and you don’t think you are accomplishing anything? Get ahead of what? Of whom?
I just don’t get it. Is achievement only defined by money or a plaque on the wall?
If the baby ran like a clock, went to bed at the hour the book said and ate according to the chart’s recommendations she would feel better about herself. But this, this wasn’t what she expected. The baby cries all the time and wants to be carried. He’s fussy and doesn’t sleep soundly like a “baby”. She puts him down in him in his crib and he wakes right up. So of course, she can’t get “anything” done. She says that she’s not accomplishing and this makes her feel depressed.
Again, I think to myself, “WHAT??? But you are accomplishing so much!!!”
And they shall make Me a sanctuary and I will dwell amongst them (Shemot 25:8)
It should be so obvious and so apparent and sadly, it’s not. To me too it took hard work to realize the Truth. Could there be any greater accomplishment than having the Shechina, the Divine Presence, rest in His sanctuary which is your home? Could there be any greater accomplishment than having the Shechina rest in His sanctuary which is you? Where else does it say in the Torah so explicitly that She will rest Her presence? Nowhere else that I know of. That means our greatest accomplishments, our greatest achievements take place in our homes and within our bodies, the homes of our souls!
***
She gives, but it’s always with a heavy heart. She gives, but it’s with conditions or a sigh or the rolling of the eyes and a raising of the hands as in, “Do I have any other choice?”
She thinks that they don’t know, but they do. They see and they feel it. In the end they back away. The price is just too high to pay for whatever she has to offer.
She gives, but she expects to receive constant praise and gratitude in return. At last they weary and are tired of her drama. They pull away and she says that they are ungrateful. It’s not true, they are, but they also see right through her and have had enough with the martyrdom charade.
She gives. She has a choice. We all do. She could choose not to give at all. She could also choose something higher and holier. She could choose how to give and it could be with desire. Without any expectations or the need for credit. She could just give- as an act of kindness and out of love (I am not saying that this is so easy to do….but she could do it.).
Speak to the children of Israel, and have them take for Me an offering; from every person whose heart inspires him to generosity, you shall take My offering (ibid 25:2).
whose heart inspires him to generosity: Heb. יִדְּבֶנּוּ לִבּוֹ, an expression of נְדָבָה, which is an expression of good will, present in French, [a] gift. -Rashi
She’s working on herself. She’s doing the best that she can. She puts so much effort into improving her ways. She goes throughout her day, he goes throughout his day, just doing those mundane things. Maybe it’s making dinner or providing a livelihood. Maybe it’s twirling a jump rope or sitting down to do homework with a child. Maybe it’s him waking up even though he’s so tired and he goes to pray. Maybe it’s her waking up even though she’s so tired and she goes to the crying baby. They are doing. And of course, every person has obligations and they are doing because they have to do. But yet it changes everything when the intention is not, “I have to,” but “I want to…” I want to and I love you.
And yes maybe no one will applaud you for those mundane acts that the outside world doesn’t see. No one will say, “Wow” for just doing what you have to do but the one who receives will feel that love and that desire. More importantly the giver herself will feel better to give out of love and desire. The chore turns into a privilege. The boring doing into an act of growth and inspiration.
This change of intention, it changes everything. This is what brings the Divine Presence to rest amongst us and makes all those mundane acts holy. I can make a phone call out of obligation or I can make it out of love. I can make spaghetti for dinner because they need to eat and I have to feed them. I have to feed myself! Or I can make it, the same simple dish and serve it with love. I can do what I am doing anyways-giving, and I can elevate it to a level so much holier and higher. I can give for the sake of giving. I can give out of love.
***
She has no idea how she’s going to make the…fill in the blank… the Simcha (joyous event), the holiday coming up…How is she expected to do it?
Purim is coming up- the costumes, the presents for teachers, the shalach manot… And don’t even get her started with Pesach which is just around the corner-the cleaning and the shopping and the cooking. Forget about the holidays. She looks around and she asks herself, “How am I going to make dinner?”
What about the laundry or the mess?
She wants to, but really, how is she going to do it? How can she be responsible for such a big role? For taking care of this sick relative? For raising this child? For supporting the family?
The news seems like too much to bear. The tasks too many to accomplish.
She sinks into the couch and cries, “I don’t know how to do it! I don’t know how I am going to do it!”
And you shall make a menorah of pure gold. The menorah shall be made of hammered work; its base and its stem, its goblets, its knobs, and its flowers shall [all] be [one piece] with it (ibid 25:31).
the menorah shall be made: By itself. Since Moses found difficulty with it [i.e., figuring out how to form the menorah], the Holy One, blessed is He, said to him, “Cast the talent [equivalent to sixty-four pounds of gold] into the fire, and it will be made by itself.” Therefore, it is not written: ךְתֵּעָשֶׂה but ךְתֵּיעָשֶׂה. -[from Tan. Beha’alothecha 3] -Rashi
That’s right, she sinks into the couch and realizes that she, she can’t do it. And so, she casts her worries and her problems and her lists and her tasks into the fire of faith in the One Above and she tells Him, “You, You show me. You, You help me. And He does.
***
May we merit to turn our homes into sanctuaries where the Shechina dwells. May we realize that we ourselves are sanctuaries where the Shechina dwells. May we choose to give out of love and desire and elevate all that we do to new heights. May we take a bit off the load (and need to control) from ourselves and have faith He will give us the tools and strength to do what needs to get done.
Chodesh tov! Many blessings and happiness for the new month, Adar.
Shabbat Shalom,
Elana