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Freedom to Choose


She sits there and she hears what the teacher says, but she doesn’t want to listen. She refutes every word. She argues. Maybe it’s not a teacher, it could be a relative, her spouse. Maybe it’s a friend who has more experience. She pretends to listen, but really, really she closes her ears to it. Nothing penetrates. Nothing awakens her. Nothing changes.

She’s used to this way, even if it’s difficult and painful. It’s the way she knows and she’s stuck in it. Why? Because she refuses to listen. She refuses to hear that maybe, just maybe there’s another way of doing things. Another way of seeing things. No, she’s won’t listen.

She won’t hear that change is possible and so she insists on doing it her way. She insists on acting her way. She won’t let go, neither to the past, nor to the hurt of the present. She holds on for dear life and because she won’t hear about change, that there’s even an opportunity for it, she’s a slave. Yes, she’s a slave, but at this point she’s a self-imposed slave. She’s trapped, for whatever reason, maybe it’s comfort, or fear. Maybe she’s tired or lazy. Maybe she got so used to being in a certain role, a certain position, that she doesn’t believe that there’s a choice in the matter, that there’s a way out.

So, she sadly stays a slave and ironically feels comfortable by calling herself a victim.

Should you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall work [for] six years, and in the seventh [year], he shall go out to freedom without charge. But if the slave says, "I love my master.. I will not go free," his master shall bring him to the judges, and he shall bring him to the door or to the doorpost, and his master shall bore his ear with an awl, and he shall serve him forever (Shemot 21:2-6).

I’m telling you, it’s not that she can’t, she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to change, or she doesn’t believe that at this point it’s possible. Can a person be so stubborn? Yes. And even if she’s given opportunities and proofs over and over that yes, you are free and you have this potential, even if they put a hole in her ear, she still refuses to listen. And so, to my sorrow she stays a slave-a slave to sorrow or regret, a slave to pain and to embarrassment, a slave to habit and shame.

Please, please know that we have choices and many paths that we can take. Everyone is capable, with G-d’s help, of being freed. But freedom is a choice and it’s up to you to choose whether to break free or to remain a slave.

***

She feels like a stranger. Wait a minute, really, she is. She’s a foreigner in her own body. A stranger in her own home. Either she’s used to having bucketful loads of energy and now suddenly she’s empty. Or she feels uncomfortable in this new role. Like she didn’t understand or realize that it would take so much time to get the hang of it-of being a wife, of carrying a life, of having a baby, of being a mother. Why all of a sudden does she feel so limited? Why are there so many new things to learn? New obstacles to overcome, new challenges to shake her like she’s never been shook before.

She started a new stage in life. Is it a new job? A new home? Whatever it is even if everything else is the same, she’s not. She doesn’t feel like herself. She’s lonely or depressed. She’s disappointed and frustrated, with her circumstances, with her lot in life.

She doesn’t understand. She’s so hard on herself. She’s too hard on herself.

When she comes to me and I listen to her sorrow. A sorrow that’s deeply rooted in feeling like a stranger. I want to hug her and I want her to hug herself. “Have some compassion.” I tell her. “Yes, compassion and patience and acceptance.”

“For who?”

“For you!”

And you shall not mistreat a stranger, nor shall you oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt (ibid 22:20).

for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: If you taunt him, he can also taunt you and say to you, “You too emanate from strangers.” Do not reproach your neighbor with a fault that is also yours (Mechilta, B.M. 59b).

And you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the soul of the stranger, since you were strangers in the land of Egypt (ibid 23:9)

the soul of the stranger: How hard it is for him when people oppress him. (-Rashi)

That’s right, it’s not enough to hear it one time because it happens in life over and over again. You have to hear it, repeat it, and internalize over and over. We’re not only talking about being compassionate to the “other”, we’re also talking about being compassion and kind to ourselves. We’re not just talking about judging them, we’re talking about judging ourselves.

You don’t feel like yourself? You’re not able to do what you used to do? Maybe because you’re actually doing ten times now more than before. Or maybe not, but circumstances are different and life is different and G-d has a different plan for you now then He did before.

So what must you do? You must be kind and compassionate. You accept with an open heart the stage that you are in or the moment that you are in and you encourage yourself for whatever it is that you are able to do. You accept limitations and are open to new sensations and new experiences. You accept that you feel foreign and different. And that’s okay because we all go through it one time or another.

We’re here in this world temporarily as passersby. We’re all strangers in one form or another. We learn new ways and it’s difficult, but with encouragement instead of oppression we build instead of beat down. We grow and are able to deal with things as they come.

***

May we be opening to listening to voice of change-change that will liberate, enable growth, and empower. May we be compassionate and kind to ourselves and those around us regardless of the foreign situation that we are in. May we always remember our roots and be connected to them-may they bring out sensitivity, kindness, and empathy.

With many blessings,

Shabbat shalom,

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