A Bit of Rest Please!

Ten years ago to the day my beautiful daughter (may she live long and be healthy) came into the world. I arrived in an ambulance in the last stage. There was a lot of commotion as they whisked me into a room. I wasn’t aware of what was going on, but I do remember a moment before her birth. It was a moment when I just wanted silence. My eyes closed, head down. Everyone in the room asked, “What is she doing?” The doctor told me to push. My doula whispered in my ears, “Are you okay?”

“Shhhh,” I shished them all. I just wanted silence, a moment to pray and collect myself before this awesome moment. I think that subconsciously I knew that there would be no going back. My role as a mother was about to double from one child to two. I just wanted to rest, but it was one of many lessons that I’ve learned in life-our jobs are way too holy, our tasks are way too many, and in this world, we’re not here to rest. The silence ended a few minutes later pierced by the most beautiful scream heard on the face of the earth-my daughter’s first cry.

Jacob dwelled (sat/settled) in the land of his father's sojournings, in the land of Canaan (Beresheit 37:1.)

Jacob dwelled (sat/settled)- When Jacob sought to dwell in tranquility, the troubles of Joseph sprang upon him. The righteous seek to dwell in tranquility. Said the Holy One, blessed be He, “What is prepared for the righteous in the world to come is not sufficient for them, but they seek [also] to dwell in tranquility in this world!” -Rashi based on the Midrash

Ribbon shel Olam (Master of the Universe) it’s so much work and I’m so tired! I feel like I’m pulled in a million directions. I’m physically tired, emotionally tired. What do you want from me?

I think to Jacob with his tribe of children, his problems and his responsibilities. Was it so wrong for him to ask for a bit of tranquility?

“Wait,” He (G-d) tells us. “Have patience! There will be reward for your hard efforts. One day there will be a time of tranquility.”

Many years ago, a dear friend of mine lived literally in a, I can’t even call it a studio or flat, it was more of like a hole. The place was so tiny and old, but it didn’t bother neither her nor her husband. Why? Because they were waiting to move into their brand-new apartment. A few more months, some finishing touches in the kitchen and bathrooms, and that was it. They knew that their “hole” was temporary and understood the good that awaited them. The money they saved by renting that place went into a beautiful floor and high-quality lighting for their new apartment. So, the temporary hole with its leaks from the rain and cold from a broken window -it didn’t bother them. They kept living and going focused on what would be when they moved into their “permanent” home.

This world is like that hole. All the effort and work and time and energy-you’re tired and you want to give up. Wait, have some more patience there will be plenty of time for tranquility in the next world, but only in this world with our hard efforts can we save up “money”.

Please, don’t misunderstand me. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help and getting help. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, sitting, and doing nothing- in order to recharge, regain your strength and make yourself strong enough so that you actually have what to give and energy to do.

But just know where and in what to put your energies! How many people work like a dog for a new car or make themselves sick to make money? These things are temporary. Money comes and money goes and you are left with nothing. But when you push yourself in a spiritual way, when you’re at the end of your ropes and losing patience and you take a deep breath and you breathe instead of scream, you’ve just made millions. When you wash those clothes and at last put that child to sleep with a kiss, you’ve made billions. When you get yourself out of bed and you make their school lunches, don’t see it as a tiring obligation, it’s an incredible act of chesed (kindness) that made you trillions. All day long there are tasks and obligations and responsibilities. It’s a lot of work, so much work, holy work- don’t undervalue it.

***

I ask her in our weekly call session how her week went and she admits that it was difficult. She’s battled now for two years with an eating disorder and it’s not easy. She tells me that eating this past week was exceptionally hard, a struggle and totally unenjoyable. She cries to me that she’s uncomfortable. Feeling satiety is, to her, not just emotionally, but physically uncomfortable.

What do I say?

An appropriate parable that I once read from Rav Twersky:

How does a lobster get a new shell?

Its body grows and grows and the shell stays the same. It feels incredibly squishy and uncomfortable so much so that at last the lobster sheds it completely and grows a new one.

We are doing well and then the Ribbon shel Olam sends us a challenge which could be in the form of a thought or a feeling or a physical sensation and we become uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. The purpose of the sensation is not to deter us or make us think that we are falling and starting over again from square one. The purpose is to show us that He wants us to grow and reach new heights and strive harder to be better, stronger people.

The physical sensations and the body- if only we could understand how temporary they are…it would take off so much pressure.

This test right now, it's not permanent. One day you'll find it challenging and the next you'll reach a new height and won't. Any physical sensation is temporary, both the good and the bad, but the work you do on your spiritual growth and by getting closer to Hashem, this is permanent. Hashem is part of every step of this challenge and is with you. Being “uncomfortable” at times is part of the journey.

What does this beautiful young woman say back to me?

“You mean to tell me that even being “uncomfortable” at times is part of the journey? But how can I use the challenge of feeling SO uncomfortable to grow? By just continuing forward despite how hard it is?”

Yes! You must know that you have a purpose and tell yourself this. You must also know it's written that a person is not given a test that they cannot pass.

You embrace the feeling of being SOOOO uncomfortable and you say:

Hashem I accept that this feeling is from You and that You will and are giving me the tools to overcome it and to grow that even if I feel physically or emotionally uncomfortable I will not let it stop me from fulfilling my mission today. Which is to get close to You, to pray, to learn, to eat, to live. Every good act I do today, even while I am uncomfortable, every blessing that I say on food-food that makes me feel terrible, I am doing as a korban, as an offering to You. The harder it is for me to do it, the more I know that it is precious for You.

I conclude our conversation by mentioning Jacob who had enough with his challenges and his trials and only wanted to at last be comfortable and live in this world with tranquility. But G-d told him, “No, there is no tranquility in this world.” And I tell her:

It's so hard to understand what this means, but if you accept that you are here to work hard at the very thing that makes your life such a challenge then you will find purpose and meaning and joy. You will grow and move on to a different stage and, G-d willing, no longer need this particular test. We're here to work and it's worth it. Being close to Hashem is worth it. It will bring you joy and fulfillment and true peace. It’s worth it.

We ended our conversation each one with a smile and a sigh.

May we merit to work hard and value the work that we do! May we understand that the challenge is part of the Journey and that one day, G-d willing, tranquility will come. May we be blessed with the piercing loud cries of living life and growth from our exhausting challenges.

Shabbat Shalom,

Elana