Was it all a Mistake?????

She came down the three flights of stairs on Friday to introduce herself. After six months she just heard that we moved into the building. She brought challah and wine. Unfortunately, I wasn’t home to greet her.

I make my way up those same stairs later that night between the fish and chicken soup. She opens the door with a big smile. I smell delicious food. The Shabbes candles glow on the table and I see it beautifully set- for one diner. She tells me to come in and have a seat. We sit on the couch. I make myself comfortable. “Elana,” she calls me lovingly, like she’s known me for years and not mere minutes, “What a pleasure that you moved into the building.”

She talks always smiling and I listen smiling back. She’s lovely.

She pauses and looks me in the eyes with that smile, “They ask me if I’m lonely. I laugh! How can I be lonely when I am with Hashem?”

The words make an impression on me, “How can I be lonely when I am with Hashem?”

Yes, how can I be lonely?

She teases me with bits and pieces of stories from her fascinating life, “I’ll tell you about Poland another time…You know I used to live in a mansion full of antiques….I’ve been here for twenty years. I love it here. Who wouldn’t want to live in such a holy place?

Again the words repeat in my heart, “How can I be lonely when I am with Hashem?”

Jacob departed from Beer-Sheva and went toward Haran (Beresheit 28:10).

Jacob, you must have been so lonely! All by yourself, with no friends, no family.

You at last laid your head down and went to sleep, alone. You dreamed…

And behold! Hashem was standing over him, and He said, “I am Hashem…Behold, I am with you…(Beresheit 28:13-15).”

How can a person who lives with Hashem be lonely?

Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely Hashem is present in this place and I did not know (ibid 28:16).

That’s right we’re never alone. We just need to wake up from our sleep, be present. We need to open our eyes, our heart, then we’ll know…we’re never alone.

***

She wants to go forward, but she can’t. She’s stuck. Why can’t she? Because she can’t let go. Healing, true healing means letting go. It’s departing from that place of pain or confusion. It’s confronting the pain, embracing it, accepting it, acknowledging it and then letting it go.

Jacob departed from Beer-Sheva and went toward Haran (Beresheit 28:10).

First depart from it, leave it behind, don’t carry it always with you! Then go forward. Make a new life, create a new reality, go!

But what if I’m leaving something good and beautiful? I don’t want to go, but I’m forced to go? Why do I have to leave it behind?

I (G-d) am with you, and I will guard you wherever you go, and I will restore you to this land, for I will not forsake you until I have done what I have spoken concerning you (ibid 28:15).

You’re leaving it for now, but to the good, you’ll eventually come back. Just for now, you need to depart because otherwise you wouldn’t discover your true strengths or be able to work on your weaknesses. It’s Hashem who pushes us to change and go forward. And in order to do that we still need to depart-to learn the art of traveling from dependence to independence to understanding that in the end it’s all about interdependence.

***

Her doctor recommended to her to come. Chronic fatigue, migraine headaches, insomnia, hormonal imbalance and anxiety. She gathers up the strength to call me. Maybe I can help? I tell her, “G-d willing. I think so. Yes, I think it’s worth a try.”

She lives far away in a different part of the city, but she makes the trip and comes.

First, I listen in silence to her story. She’s so young and already been through so much. She’s actually not the first to tell me such a story. From the first day of her marriage something was very, very off. No one knew of her husband’s mental illness. The abuse, psychosis, and explosiveness were somehow kept a secret until the wedding day. How? A mystery. She quickly got out and even though it was just a few months into the marriage she found out she was expecting. She went through with the justified divorce and gave birth to a baby.

I ask her if she feels anger and do you know what this mature young woman says?

“No, because I know that it was from Hashem, if not, my daughter would never have come into the world…”

So wise and mature and full of true faith and understanding.

And Jacob loved Rachel, and he said, "I will work for you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter (ibid 29:18)."

Jacob was so exact in his words, so precise in his request. He wanted to marry Rachel, no other.

And Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my days are completed, that I may come to her."… And it came to pass in the evening that Laban took his daughter Leah, and he brought her to him, and he came to her…And it came to pass in the morning, and behold she was Leah! So he said to Laban, "What is this that you have done to me? Did I not work with you for Rachel? Why have you deceived me? (ibid 29:21-25)"

What happened here? Was it a mistake?

And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she named him Reuben... And she conceived again and bore a son… And she conceived again and bore a son… And she conceived again and bore a son… And God hearkened to Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son…. And Leah conceived again, and she bore Jacob a sixth son…And afterwards, she bore a daughter, and she named her Dinah (ibid 29:32-30:21)

No, nothing is a mistake. No marriage is a mistake, no child is a mistake, no relationship or person that comes into your life is a mistake.

A woman I know has been married for thirteen years and has three sons. Her husband isn’t perfect, no one is. He has his faults and makes mistakes. He doesn’t always know how to communicate. But he’s a hard-worker, a good father, and a good person. He’s not abusive or mentally ill. She wants him to change, and all of us should change and improve our ways. But he doesn’t. She sighs to me, “Maybe I made a mistake?”

A mistake? Three sons? Hashem put you together and you think it’s a mistake? It pains me to hear that for this she’ll break up her family, she’ll ruin her home.

Or more painful still when a parent thinks that the challenging child, or the one that they didn’t plan or expect, was somehow a mistake or accident?” A mistake? Rest assured, G-d doesn’t make mistakes.

The twelve tribes were born, the nation was founded and built on a carefully orchestrated plan that involved no mistakes. We must know and believe that nothing in our life is a mistake or accident. As confusing or painful it might seem in the present, know that nothing is done without a reason. Yes, there is a Master Plan.

We humans make mistakes and we need to take responsibility and learn from them. There are times when it’s necessary to run and to get out. We do have choices, but everything happens for a reason.

That means that the fact that the doctor didn’t diagnose the sickness earlier, as painful as it is, was not a mistake.

That means missing that business opportunity to make a lot of money, it wasn’t a mistake.

Neither was that relationship.

We’re here to grow and to learn and to accept that there is a Master Plan and we only at rare times see a bit of it.

And the very same young woman-the one with such maturity. In time her physical conditions got better and went away. She had so much faith and worked on herself and is raising a beautiful child. And this very same woman called me to tell me that she’s engaged to a widow with four young children. Only this woman, who went through what she did and brought her daughter into the world, only this woman could be the one to now remarry and have the compassion and understanding to take care of four orphans in need of a mother.

I take a deep breath and I sigh in relief knowing that there is a Master Plan, orchestrated by our Creator and He makes no mistakes. There are no accidents. Greatness comes out of the most seemingly painful experiences. Everything has a reason.

May we merit to never feel alone and always feel Hashem’s loving Presence. May we depart and grow and go and know when to return. May we merit clear perception and understanding to see and know that everything has a Reason.

Shabbat Shalom,

Elana