It's all good?!!!!

The beginning. Why didn’t anyone tell her that it would be so challenging, in the beginning? Things didn’t quite “flow” the way that she thought that they would. There were differences that she hadn’t seen. It was a lot of work, the beginning. It was a lot of adjusting in the beginning. Each had to learn the language of the other. Each had to learn the rhythm of the other until at last with time, patience, energy and love they flowed. No longer were they two ships going in different directions or two dancers each performing his own solo. At last a beautiful dance. Two dancers dancing to the same beat. One stepping back so the other could go forward. One stepping forward as the other stepped back. It took years, but then at last, a beautiful dance. Each in sync with the other.

The beginning. Why didn’t anyone tell her that it was so hard in the beginning? No one warned her of how tired and sick she would feel. Hormones, dreams, worries, a whirlwind of chaotic emotions. It took weeks that turned into months until at last she could lift her head from the pillow as her belly grew with life inside of her. Weeks and then months, but the difficult beginning came to an end.

The beginning. She thought once the baby was in her arms she would know instinctively what to do, but she didn’t. The nursing came only after a lot of work, patience, and guidance. Those first six weeks she felt like a zombie, so tired from sleepless night after night. There was no schedule in the beginning. It was chaotic, or at least that’s what she felt. And then at last the beginning ended. She learned to read her baby’s cries and the nursing became endearing, enjoyable. He slept better, she slept better. She felt like a functioning person again. She started to thrive in her role as mother.

The beginning. The beginning of school. The beginning of a job. A new city, a new home and all the beginnings. The beginning.

In the beginning of God's creating the heavens and the earth-when the earth was bewilderment and void (chaotic), with darkness over the face of the deep, and the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the water (Bereishit 1:1-2).

Yes, it takes time in the beginning. No, it’s not easy in the beginning. Two whole days passed in the Beginning before on the third day Hashem saw at last that

the day (On the first day it says the light was good, but not the day-there is always something good even in those trying beginnings!),“it was good (Bereishit 1:10).” It is chaotic in the beginning, but then-with time, patience, energy, love, and light… good.

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I’m not making this up. And anyways we all know that the life’s truths are always more interesting than fiction. Twenty minutes before candle lighting to enter Sukkot our refrigerator door broke off.

“Hashem, come on! Really, I don’t need another story to write about! We have enough ideas! Why does it always have to be so difficult?” I thought to myself. As the minutes ticked bringing us closer and closer to the chag (holiday). My husband and I worked to somehow get the door back on. This in the midst of guests arriving, children wanting….needing…me to… It wasn’t easy to keep calm, not to yell or scream with frustration. I was in the midst of all this and one child asked me over and over for a treat. Another asked accusingly, “What are you doing with my tape?”

How could I not yell at them in sarcasm, “I’m decorating the refrigerator for Sukkot!” But I didn’t, we didn’t. We worked and the clock ticked and we prayed that the door would stay on for the holiday, that all my hard work and cooked food wouldn’t spoil and that the guests would understand when I told them that they couldn’t touch my refrigerator. With tape and string, we managed to bind it like a book (I kid you not). I jumped in the shower and lit candles with not a minute to spare before the sunset, thanking Hashem for His kindness that this happened now and not when we were already in the chag. Thanking him for the tape and the string. Thanking Him that we just dealt with it the best that we could and didn’t get angry. Gam zu l’tova. This too is good.

That night as I lay in the sukkah surrounded by my children so many thoughts raced through my head. Gratitude. What blessing! A sukkah, Jerusalem, my husband, my children…Another thought, “Hashem, why does it always have to be so difficult?” The two thoughts going back and forth. I thought of a client of mine who cried to me those very words, “Why does everything in my life have to be so difficult?”

It’s painful to hear such a cry. It’s painful to feel such a cry.

One child snored. One spoke in their sleep. Their noises brought me back to the thoughts of my blessings and how most of those blessings came as a result of the difficulty. And then it hit me.

And G-d saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good (Beresheit 1:34).

You’re telling me that this and this and this, that this difficulty, this challenge, that this all is not only good, it’s very good? Such a level! How to achieve? I don’t know. I can only tell you what I do… I say over and over gam zu l’tova-this too is good. Look for it, even in that moment and with G-d’s help, you’ll find it. You’ll find it because everything is His doing and all that He does is very good….

I want to write more, but it’s so late and I’m so tired and the hours are ticking before we enter chag once more….

May we all merit to have patience and energy, time and love to make it through those chaotic beginnings. May we never be tested with any challenges or difficulties, but when they do come, may we be blessed with the clarity to see kindness and growth and may we know full heartedly that gam ze l’tova.

Chag Sameach! May this be a very good and joyful year.