He gives, He takes, He gives again
My memories of him are few. He had a presence, that took up the room and a twinkle in his large beautiful blue eyes. I would go to him as he sat on his royal chair. My mother standing lovingly by his side. “Vus machstus Zaidy (How are you Grandfather)?” I would ask fulfilling my obligation, wait for his reply and then run off either to the kitchen and my Bubbie’s (Grandmother) cooking or outside to the chickens of the farm.
My Zaidy, with that twinkle and love of life, he passed away when I was five. My Zaidy, he lived so many lives. Hashem gave him a family, possessions, a home. He took it all away from him. The war at last came to a close, but the memories never ended. Hashem gave him a new family, new possessions, a new home with my Bubbie who herself lived many lives. They suffered, they built, they died, they lived. Prewar, postwar, Europe, America. Hashem gives, Hashem takes, Hashem gives once again.
I am left with a legacy of a twinkle in the eye.
Zaidy, give me courage, Zaidy give me strength. Zaidy, give me the secret of the twinkle in the eye.
***
On Shabbes Kodesh (the holy Sabbath), I get the call. She’s in the hospital. She’s in labor, but it isn’t moving. I walk to the hospital. I enter the room. She looks beautiful. She’s lying down.
“It’s not progressing. It’s not moving.”
“What are you doing lying down? Get up!” I tell her.
She’s connected to way too many devices and wires, but we get her off the bed. An hour later a 9.4lb baby boy gently makes his way into the world.
“It’s been four years since I’ve held a baby.” She cries with joy.
“You know we had a miscarriage,” her husband shares with me, “It was so sad and painful.”
Hashem gives, Hashem takes, Hashem gives once again.
***
I don’t want to deal with this, but we have no choice. It’s our landlord. Will we have to move once again? But we just got here! We invested so much time and energy, so much love and money.
I’m so tired.
I collapse on the couch emotionally exhausted. And then it hits me, the secret of the twinkle in the eye. This is a secret that is very hard to understand, but it’s fundamental. The secret….
Hashem gives, Hashem takes, Hashem gives once again.
The secret is that it is all from Hashem…
See now that it is I! I am the One, and there is no god like Me! I cause death and grant life. I strike, but I heal, and no one can rescue from My Hand (Devarim 32:39).
It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s not them, it’s all from Hashem.
Hashem gives, Hashem takes, Hashem gives once again.
May these words be an עליית נשמה of my dear Zaidy, Reb Zalman Rabinowitz z'l זלמן בן חנה whose yeirtzeit is on .ד' תשרי
Ketiva ve Chatima tova!
Shana tova u mevorechet!