A Tale of Two Fallen Women
A Tale of Two Women…
This one, she’s so tired. So tired and she feels that she just can’t. She wants the pain to end. She wants the anxiety to end. She wants the worry to end. She wants this test, this terrible challenge to end. But it’s not just that she wants it to end. She wants it to end NOW. Can’t it go away without any effort? Can’t it go away without any work? Is there a magic button to press? What about taking a magic potion?
She lies down on the bed. She closes her eyes. She’s exhausted. She doesn’t budge. She doesn’t move.
“Away,” she whispers. “Go away.”
Away. Away.
Is there a thing? Is there a person? That can just make it “go away?” Can she be passive without any effort? Can’t she just numb the pain?
And what about all those old patterns? The ones that destructively keep repeating themselves. She hears so many suggestions. They give her so many ideas and tools to try and to use. “Change,” they tell her. “Make a change!
You can do it!” She can do it. But she doesn’t believe that she can. “I am who I am. I can’t change. It’s too late.”
She lies down on the bed. She closes her eyes. She’s exhausted. She doesn’t budge. She doesn’t move.
“I can’t,” she whispers. “I can’t.”
Is it enough that I believe in you, but you don’t? Is it enough that I know you can, but you don’t?
You shall not see your brother's donkey or his ox fallen [under its load] on the road, and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall pick up [the load] with him (Devarim 22:4).
Rashi: [You shall pick up (the load)] with him: [I.e.,] with the owner. However, if the owner walks away, sits down, and says, “Since the commandment is incumbent upon you, if you want to load, [go ahead and] load!” you are exempt. — [B.M. 32a]
What does Hashem tell us? “I’m going to send you something, someone, to help lift you up. I’m going to take that heavy weight, the one that’s on your shoulders, off, but you still have to make an effort to get yourself up. If not, even with all the help that I send you, you’ll still stay down…”
“You mean, You’ll help me, make it easier for me, but I still have to do the work?”
Yes!
Hashem tells us, “I know you can and I give you the power to change and to do, but if you don’t believe you can, then you’ll remain powerless….”
“You mean, You want me to believe in myself? I must tell myself that, G-d willing, I can?”
Yes!
And so, if this woman, she walks away, she sits down, and she says, “You do it for me. I can’t.” She and all her heavy burden stays down. But if she looks inside herself to find her strengths and reaches up for help, she makes that incredible effort-her load is lifted up, she gets up.
***
This second woman, she’s so tired. She’s so tired and she knows that she can’t, but she feels that she should. Yes, she should…do it all alone, never ask for help, hold up her entire load- alone. Where does she get this notion from? The one that says, “You must, you must do it alone.”
It comes from insecurity, from fears of “failure” or being “unloved”. At times, it comes from lack of humility. It comes from unrealistic expectations and a misunderstanding of the goal- which is not that we have to be perfect, but that we must integrate and utilize both our strengths and our weaknesses. It comes from a world of illusion that doesn’t appreciate the value of everyone having a specific role. Doing it “all” is not the goal. Fulling your own mission, personal growth and self-development to best serve Hashem, these are the goals.
The goal. She forgets the goal. And so, she’s pulled here and there. The overly extended rope snaps. She breaks down, the weight is so heavy. She collapsed.
Everyone walks around her. Not noticing that she’s down. How can they ignore her? On the other hand, how can they see her when she hides her fall and never calls out for help?
She’s stubborn. She folds her arms, crosses her hands. “I will not ask for help!” And so, she stays down. And
Hashem tells her, “You must reach out for help! You say you can do it all alone, but you can’t!
You shall not see your brother's donkey or his ox fallen [under its load] on the road, and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall pick up [the load] with him (Devarim 22:4).
“It’s so heavy! But I want to carry it all by myself.”
“You can’t! And that’s not even what I ask of you!”
“You mean you want me to reach out for help?”
“Yes!”
She relinquishes control.
She whispers, “I can’t, do it alone.”
She reaches out her hand and she leans on Him and He sends her something, someone to ease the burden and the two of them together lift it up…
My Tale of Two Women (or Men!)…
It ends with effort, with hard work. It ends with believe and faith. It ends with humility and security.
May we all merit to have faith in ourselves to know that we can raise ourselves from our heavy burdens and falls and may we have faith to know that we can’t do it alone…