Being Present-Finding the Oneness

It sounds like the easiest thing to do but we all know that it’s the hardest. Just to be. To give of yourself. To be silent and love not by doing, but by being. It’s the easiest thing to believe but we all know that it’s the hardest. To believe, to really believe, not with your sechel, your mind or intelligence, but with your heart-that Hashem loves you, that He’s present that He’s here in your life-running your life. To bring the faith that is in the mind down to (and truly feel it in) the heart.

Could this be the missing link that I search for? The “being” is what connects us to understand, to feel, to know?

***

She’s weak and always tired she tells me. It takes her every ounce of energy to get up and cook for her family, but she does it. Every day, she won’t give in to her exhaustion, she cooks, she serves, and then she nearly collapses. She has no energy for her children. Can I help her?

I don’t know if I can or I can’t but before we get into the technical aspects, of seeing what she’s already tried-the numerous tests, medicines, diets, and therapies. What works and what doesn’t. When did this start and why? Before we begin or maybe actually it was in the middle of it, there’s something that I want to understand. Something that I want her to understand (even though it’s not the actual reason for why she came).

I tell her, “I’m a mother who knows the importance of home cooked nutritious meals. I can imagine that you put all your love into the food you make. You’re careful with the ingredients. You want it to be healthy and tasty.” And then I ask her a simple question, whose answer might be complex. “Why not give them a sandwich to eat? A yogurt with some fruit? An egg and bread? Don’t cook for them. Use all of that energy and just be with them. Sit with them. Talk with them. Yes, to love is to do, but to love is to be.”

A person can always find someone else to do what you do, but to be? Who else can be you, but you?

Tears fill her eyes. Yes, it is so hard to just be and not to use every ounce of energy that we have to do. To love with your presence. To love by being present.

And you shall know this day and consider it in your heart, that the Lord He is God in heaven above, and upon the earth below; there is none else (Devarim 4:39).

There is nothing/none else? I have His complete attention? All I have to do is give him mine? Can I contemplate that and take it to heart?

And [I] perform loving kindness to thousands [of generations] of those who love Me and to those who keep My commandments (Devarim 5:10)

***

She’s fifteen minutes early to our appointment and so she waits outside in the park in front of my building. She comes up the stairs after the fifteen minutes past. She knocks on my door.

“You have such a pretty park. I also have pretty parks in my neighborhood, but I don’t have time to sit and enjoy them.”

Yes, who has time, unless you are early to an appointment, to sit in a park?

***

My toddler, I can’t fool him. I want to finish what I’m doing. It’s important, right? Whatever it is. Writing, making lunch, hanging up the laundry. Let me just make this one call and then I’ll be done. But am I ever done? He pulls on my skirt. I call my daughter, “Can you take him to the park?”

“NO!!!” He protests. “Mommy!” He wants Mommy. Mommy. Not the lunch and not the laundry. Not my daughter or my other sons. He wants ME, Mommy… (B”H!!)

My eldest son comes home late and I’m so tired. I just finished seeing my last client. I want nothing more than to go to bed.

“There’s a snack on the table for you.”

“Mommy, let’s go for a walk.” “

“A walk? But I left you food, eat, take a shower and go to bed,” I think to myself.

What does my son want? The food (yes )? He wants a walk because he wants me. (B’H!!) Can I make the extra effort, not “do” one more thing, and just go on a walk and be with my son? Can I love by being? By being with my husband, by being with a friend? By being with….by being with myself?

How about myself? Can I be present with myself? Can I stop doing, listening, reading, watching…and just be present? With myself? With Hashem?

Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God; the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your means. And these words, which I command you this day, shall be upon your heart (Devarim 6:5-7).

Shema-Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God; the Lord is one.

Is there anything more fundamental to faith, to life, then the Shema? Do we have to do? Yes, of course, with all our soul and with all our means. But what comes first? What is the perquisite? To love, to be present, to be one.

What is One? One is the same gematria as love (13). Can I love myself by just being one with myself? Can I show you love by being with you? How do I get understanding that the Oneness of Hashem is Love of Hashem that to be with Hashem is to love Him? That I can only get to love Him when I am conscious that I am with Him, truly with Him. And that of course He is truly always with me and loves me. Hashem wants ME!

I say that I believe but do I really really feel it, know it in my heart? Can I? Yes! How? By being, by being aware, by being present.

To be and not to always do. To love. To be one. To be with me and to be with You.

May we always be present and find the oneness within, the love within. May we REALLY feel the Oneness, love the Oneness, know the Oneness.