Confronting Fear

PARSHAT MATTOT

She’s so afraid. I understand the fear. We all have it-of something. One is afraid of pain. One is afraid to let go. One is afraid something will happen. Could it happen? Will it happen? One is afraid that it will never happen….

She’s afraid of pain, of labor. She’s afraid of the unknown-not knowing what will be.

She’s afraid of failing, of looking like a fool.

She’s afraid of losing her job. She’s afraid to work and afraid not to.

She’s afraid of rejection. Of not being loved.

She’s afraid it will happen again. She finally got out of the depression what if it returns?

She’s so afraid. So afraid. I understand the fear. We all have it-of something. One is afraid of pain. One is afraid to let go. One is afraid that something will happen. Could it happen? Will it happen? One is afraid that it will never happen….

What do we do with our fears?

I used to think that maybe it’s better to ignore them. Put on a big smile and tell yourself that it won’t happen. It can’t happen. Let’s pretend that everything will “just be okay.” I’m all into “think positive” and it will “be positive.” Think “good”, it will be “good.”

But then I saw, I see that pain is real and you could feel it again. Sometimes you do go out and you are rejected. It could be that the thing you feared most, it just might happen. After all, we are not in control-of anything and that in itself is our greatest fear. And really, most fears are not even logical; how then could talking logic help them disappear? So, what then do we do with the fear?

“This is the decree of the Torah, which Hashem commanded Moses: …everything that comes into fire-you shall pass through the fire and will be purified; but it must be purified with the water of sprinkling; and everting that would not come in the fire, you shall pass through the water (Bamidbar 31:21-23).”

What do we do? What do we do with the very vessel that comes into fire and becomes impure? We pass it through fire. What do we do with our fears? We confront them. We accept them.

“I’m afraid of pain.”

“You might feel it. Accept it. Now tell me, how are you going to cope with it? How will you deal with it?”

“I’m afraid of falling again.”

“You might. Now tell me, how are you going to get up again? What tools do you have to get you through this difficulty? Who will you ask to help you get up?”

“I’m afraid of failing, of being rejected.”

“And if you are. How will you motivate yourself to try again, not to give up?”

What comes into fire-you shall pass through the fire.

And then what? Is that enough? Just confront the fear? Accept the fear?

It’s a lot. Acceptance in itself purifies, but no, it’s not enough. Then you need sweet waters.

Rabbi Akiva said “fortunate are you, Israel, in front of whom do you get purified, and who purifies you? Your Father in heaven, as it is written “and I will sprinkle pure water upon you and purify you” and “God, the mikvah of Israel” – just as a mikvah purifies the impure, so too God purifies Israel.” Mishna Yoma 8:9

You need the waters of faith. These are the waters that purify everything and ultimately put out the fire.

We fear. We confront. We accept that “my will” is not always “G-d’s will” that we don’t have all the answers, that we’re not in control. We accept with love and with faith that everything that happens, happens for a reason and for our ultimate “good”.

We take the water, simple, sweet waters of faith and we are purified and we no longer find ourselves with fear.