Seeing Life's Journey

I have never been to my destination before and so I type the address into the waze application of my new “kosher” smartphone. I drive without thinking, without having any idea of where I am or how I got there. I go through town after town, road after road. Again, without any idea of where I am. I drive. I arrive at my destination. I step out of the car without any satisfaction of feeling like, “I made it! I found it!” No inquiries about direction, no searching on a map or looking at street signs. If anyone where to ask me how I got here I wouldn’t be able to answer. I arrive at the destination, but I ask myself, “Is just arriving the only goal?”

Another day I turn off waze and decide to try it on my own. I get lost. I make mistakes. I find a beautiful national reserve park that I file away in my mind. A file of wrong turns that led me to places which I want to explore more. Places that I want to visit with my husband and children. I drive down narrow winding roads. I pay more attention. I go slower, am more careful. I see the scenery and appreciate the beauty of the land. At last I arrive at the destination. “I made it! I found it!” I arrive at my destination, but I see that arriving was not my only goal.

The Lord said to Moses, "Go up to this mount Abarim and look at the land that I have given to the children of Israel (Bamidbar 27:12).

Go up to this mount Abarim: Why is this [passage] juxtaposed here [with the previous passage]? When the Holy One, blessed is He, said, “You shall certainly give them…” (verse 7), he [Moses] said, “The Omnipresent commanded me to allocate the inheritance! Perhaps the decree has been annulled, and I will enter the Land?” The Holy One, blessed is He, said to him, “My decree remains as it was” (Mid. Tanchuma Pinchas 9).

Moshe so wanted to enter the Land! He arrived at the destination, wasn’t that the goal? No! Hashem doesn’t even let him enter. Why? Maybe to teach us that destination is not the only goal.

“Mosheleh, you brought them here. You stood by them, for them. You led them. Moshe, you took them out of Egypt and guided them for 40 years. Moshe that was your goal.

The process, the change, the growth, not the actual entering the Land-not arriving at the destination.”

I go throughout the day, the nudging the prodding, the prompting. The tasks, the lists, all that must get done and should get done. Another item crossed off the list,

“Baruch Hashem one more thing done!”

“Brush your teeth, put your laundry in the basket, the dishes in the sink, go to bed!”

“Did you send that form in, did you pay that bill, did you call back Mr. So and So like I asked?”

Buy the food, cook the meals, clean up, make everything ready. Another thing I can cross off on my list.

They’re all asleep, my home is tidy, I say goodbye to my last client, my husband enters the door. I did it. I can call it a day and go to sleep tonight. I reached my destination, my goal! But is that the only purpose? Is that what I’m here for? I got them to sleep, but was it with patience and warmth or was it with frustration and yelling?

Did I go through each task on my list, the hard ones and the easy ones and did I take even the simplest and smallest of them to learn something, to work on myself, to improve myself?

Did I take the long line in the supermarket as a lesson of patience or did I just complain and want to get to the end of it already so that at last I could go home?

Did I prepare each meal (even the bowl of shalva cereal with milk) with an extra spice of love an additional ingredient called blessings; or did I just go through the motions? Did I serve it will a smile and a loving squeeze to their shoulder? Or did I just nag with orders and reminders (sit down when you’re eating, use a fork, don’t forget your brachas!)?

A thousand tasks throughout the day or a thousand opportunities? Is it just getting there the goal or is it also the journey to reach the destination?

***

“I’m afraid of failing. They’ll see me as a failure. I’m the only one who fails.” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“I don’t have so I’m not deserving.” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“Why is everyone around me having babies and I’m not?” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“Why is everyone married and I am not?” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“Why is she coping with her kids and I am not?” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“Why am I the only one financially struggling? I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

“Why is my life harder than everyone else?” I hear it all the time from the women that I meet.

I can just imagine a dialogue between Moshe Rabbeinu and our Creator.

“If I don’t enter the Land. They’ll remember me as a failure.”

“Moshe, you’ll be remembered as Israel’s greatest leader.”

“If I don’t enter the Land it must be that I’m not deserving.”

“Moshe you are the humblest of all men, the greatest of all prophets. You’re not entering for the slightest imperfection that shows you are a man instead of an angel.”

“Why is everyone entering the Land and I’m not? Why do they get to keep the mitzvot of the Land and I don’t?”

“Moshe, it’s not your tafkid, your role, to enter the Land. You fulfilled your destiny.

You did your best. You did what you were created to do. Moshe, you will be remembered forever as Israel’s greatest teacher. You led the Nation on their journey. But if you enter the Land and arrive at this destination you will build the Beis HaMikdash. One day the People will turn from me and I will be forced to destroy them. But if you don’t build it then it’s not eternal and I will destroy My House and the People will live on.”

“You mean the journey was my goal and my tafkid. Entering the Land, arriving at the destination is the goal for another? You mean to tell me that the years of growing, of falling and of getting up-this is my legacy. It’s got nothing to do with deserving or not deserving. Nothing to do with fair or unfair. You give everyone what he needs and the opportunity to grow. That means I’m not a failure….”

What makes us great? The fact that we got there or is it the journey along the way? A thousand tasks throughout the day or a thousand opportunities? Is it just getting there the goal or is it also the journey and the way we choose to travel along it?

May we always see life as a journey.