Blessing in Seeing Your Good

I’m in Kfar Saba this week as an assistant teacher for a self-care massage workshop. I look at the dozen women in front of me. The contrast between how they look and I do, the contrast is day and night. I wear more clothes on my body in this sweltering July heat then all twelve of them combined. Each one of these beautiful women is a professional in my field. They all have warm hearts that want to help others, do chesed, and heal. They are searching, craving for fulfillment and spiritual connecting. I listen to them as they introduce themselves.

This one just got back from a year in Thailand. Another one spent time in India. Searching, traveling, looking. Where??

I think to myself of the irony-“Sweetie, you left the holiest land on the universe in search of spirituality?”

How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel! (Bamidmar 24:5)

מַה טֹּבוּ אֹהָלֶיךָ יַעֲקֹב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶיךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל

Read it: “How good-What is the good? Your tents! O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!

I come home at night to my home, to husband, to my children, to Jerusalem, not taking up a student’s offer to spend the night in Kfar Saba which could save me two hours of traveling back in forth each day. It feels so good to come home, to walk in the door and I see my blessing.

“Yes,” I tell them; I tell myself. “Look what you have right here. Where are you going? What are you searching for exactly? Look at all the good and beauty that you have right here, in your home, in front of you.”

“What is the good? Your tents! O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!

***

A client comes one evening.

“Sometimes I just feel like running away. I just feel like escaping...”

“And where would you go to?”

“I don’t know, maybe up north. To a small village where no one knows me. I could live simply and not be bothered with, with life, with the challenges in life. Tell me, why does life have to be so hard? Why does it have to be so difficult?”

Dreams of a great escape, of running away or maybe running to… to what?

Remind me why I’m here again. Oh right, isn’t it to work? Isn’t it for a purpose? But can’t life just be smooth and easy? And if it’s not, can’t I just run away?

What is the good? Your tents! O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!

מַה טֹּבוּ? אֹהָלֶיךָ יַעֲקֹב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶיךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל

***

I’m in the kitchen, trying to make lunch and the toddler gets into the cereal boxes and throws the cereal on the floor for the tenth time in the past ten minutes. He grabs for the bag of rice, but thank G-d I’m quicker. The bedroom, looks like a tornado passed by it, but it was just him and I know that if I don’t do something soon the kitchen will look the same.

The laundry, the pile of laundry. “Didn’t I just do laundry yesterday? How can it be that you don’t have any socks?” I don’t understand. I’ve been married for more than sixteen years and I still don’t know where the socks go.

The house is a mess and I just cleaned it. The refrigerator is empty and I just went shopping. This one needs me and this one wants me and I really have to do something about it?

Another bill. A misunderstanding. A…fill in the blank. Little things. All these little things and they add up and sometimes I just want to escape, to run away.

From what? To where? What am I searching for exactly and I can I have the answer-why does life have to be so hard?

I lie on the floor and close my eyes. I take a deep breath. I put my hands on my heart and then rest them on my belly. My belly rises and falls as I slow down my breathing. For five minutes, I connect. I connect to my body, to my tent, to the dwelling place of my soul. I breath and I feel and I go through each part of my body and I am in awe. I thank Hashem for each organ and limb, from the top to the bottom. I see the blessing. I see the good. I’m calm and I’m present. I love my life. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.

What is the good? Your tents! O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!

מַה טֹּבוּ? אֹהָלֶיךָ יַעֲקֹב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶיךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל

Bilam wanted to curse Am Yisrael and inside Hashem made him bless. What was the blessing?

How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!

מַה טֹּבוּ אֹהָלֶיךָ יַעֲקֹב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶיךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל

The blessing is in seeing what is good in your tents-in your life. The blessing is in seeing, “How good are your tents!” That’s right, how good are you! What am I trying to escape from? From myself? From growing? From working? The blessing is in being in, “your dwelling places”, in making the body a holy house for the soul and your home a dwelling place for the Shechina. The blessing is in taking the challenge and using it, with all the difficulty and hard work, to grow. The blessing is in looking for the good in what you have and living with it; being at peace with it.

The blessing is being home.

May we all be blessed to see the good that we have and not run away from it.