You're Not Alone

On Monday I saw a client who brought her baby along to her appointment with me for a massage. The baby is colicky and cries all the time. The mother can’t sleep, she feels nervous, fears, on edge. She’s not herself. And she brings the baby to the one hour where she is supposed to just rest and relax. She gets undressed and lies under the sheets. She closes her eyes. The baby starts to cry. She reaches out to the baby and rocks the carriage with one hand. She coos to the baby, “Mommy is here. You are such a sweetheart. Mommy is here. Shhhhh. Go to sleep.”

I’m not sure even what to do. Do I start massaging her feet? The baby now screams and she gets up. I look at this woman and I feel sorry for her. I don’t know whether to laugh at this situation of her trying to rock the baby to sleep between being massaged or whether to cry. I feel so sorry for her.

I think of my own situation. I so relate to her.

Moshe said, ‘Six hundred thousand people on foot are the people in whose midst I am, and You say, ‘I will give them meat, and they will eat I for a full month’(Bamidbar 11:21)?

I see this beautiful woman. This mother of this colicky baby. I see her kiss the baby and hug the baby and I see her lips moving in prayer, “Please Hashem, just let the baby sleep.”

She rocks and suddenly the colicky baby falls asleep.

Then the Lord said to Moses, "Is My power limited? Now you will see if My word comes true for you or not (11:23)!"

I’m so happy for her as the mother comes back to the massage table and sinks into it. I massage. She closes her eyes and relaxes under the touch.

I look at her. I admire her. Why should I feel sorry for a woman who is doing such holy important work? And yet I’m so glad that the baby continues to sleep as I massage her knotted shoulders.

I go throughout my day, the day that doesn’t seem to end until I literally drop into bed with the knowledge that in a few short hours I will be up again.

Up again. This child needs this and this child needs that. “Ribbon Shel Olam, where will we get the money for this? Where will we get the money for that? Where will I find the time to do this and take care of that? I need time and energy and resources.”

A parent, a sibling, a friend, a client-the phone calls, the emails. The needs and the wants.

“Alone I cannot carry this entire people for it is too hard for me (11:14).”

לֹא אוּכַל אָנֹכִי לְבַדִּי לָשֵׂאת אֶת כָּל הָעָם הַזֶּה כִּי כָבֵד מִמֶּנִּי

I heard the beautiful Rebbetzen Yemima Mizrahi said to take the alone and cannot from the first sentence and turn it into ... אין עוד מלבדו.. There is none beside Him.

Alone I cannot, but You, You can.

Stay focused on the goal. The goal.

The goal of carrying this beautiful role. The role that I find myself in. The role to answer the phone and the emails. To do chesed when I can and even at times when I can’t really I can’t do anything, but with Hashem’s help my can’t and my alone gets expanded.

At times the role is to say no to one person so that I can say yes to another. At times the role is to stop cleaning so that I can go to the park with my children. Stop cooking so that I myself can take a break and have a glass of water, a cup of tea. Say no to that friend who wants to talk when my husband walks in the door.

At times we do have to say, “Hashem I can’t. I’m taking a break. I’m going to sleep. I’m getting a cleaning help. I’m getting a babysitter. Hashem You take care of them!” But also I know that role, it’s only a role that I can do. There was only one Moshe Rabbeinu. When Hashem gave him 70 elders to help him Hashem told Moshe, “I’m taking the power from you and giving it to them.” Meaning, you actually have this power, but you think that you can’t and so therefore you don’t (see the Baal HaTurim on this…)...

אין עוד מלבדו

Alone I cannot, but You, You can.

Stay focused on the goal. The goal.

The goal, is just to do my role. To be happy in my role, to love and embrace it.